How Women Managed to Escape Their Worst First Dates

bad dateDid you catch that live-tweet of a terrible first date a few days ago? A woman was stuck with the most pompous, pretentious, self-absorbed James Franco look-alike ever. The live-tweet recounts one excruciating moment after the next, but the best part is the excuse the woman uses to escape her insufferable doofus date early.

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Suddenly the girl gets an important text message from her mom. It's kind of a zany tale, but it works.

Nice escape! I admire that.

The thing is, we've all been there. We've all gone on horrible dates, dates we wanted to flee from the moment he said hello -- or 'sup, as the case may be. But just saying so can be awkward. It's hard to reject another human being right to his face. So we come up with these elaborate date escape plans.

We asked some moms to tell us about their worst "bad date" stories and how they got out of them. Some of the excuses sound too fake to believe, while others took impressive creativity. The important thing, though, is that they helped these women leave their cringeworthy dates.

Divine intervention

"I was on a date with the world's most boring man in college, and all of a sudden I remembered it was Ash Wednesday," says one mom who was not particularly religious at the time. She told him she had to make an 11 p.m. mass. "And then I basically ran for the exit. Thank you, Jesus, literally!"

Obvious but effective

This woman remembers being on a blind date who lectured her on the number of times you're supposed to chew your food. "Twenty-seven, if anyone is interested." She still remembers. Anyway, she went to the bathroom, called in a favor with a friend, and returned to the table to chew a few more times. "I was almost giddy with excitement when my phone rang ten minutes later with the 'devastating' news of a 'family death.'" Transparent? Maybe, but it got her out of the date. 

Too insane not to be true

To make a fake excuse sound more legit, one woman decided her best strategy was to "think of something that was so insane I couldn't possibly have made it up." She went with a suitcase falling on her friend's head. "I had this whole story about how she was getting a suitcase down from the closet, etc. As I was saying it I was like, 'Wow, I sound like a real jackass right now!'"

It's all about your priorities

"I once pulled the 'hockey game is on tonight' excuse," says a sports fan mom. She actually predicted that it would be a bad date, so she made her excuse preemptively! "I warned him up front. 'I need to leave by 7:45 to make the puck drop.'" Ouch! That probably told him a lot about how she felt going into the date.

Disappearing into the ladies' room

This seems to be the most popular strategy. In fact, I wonder if guys panic a little every time a woman leaves for the restroom during a first date. Is she going to return? There's a 50/50 chance she won't!

"I had gone out with this man and when we got to the restaurant, he spent more time on his phone than talking with me," a woman complains. "He said three sentences to me the entire time." Angry, she disappeared into the restroom never to be seen (by him) again. She was polite enough to send a text message saying she wasn't feeling well. 

More from The Stir: 15 Funniest & Shortest 'Worst Date' Stories We've Ever Heard

Another woman showed up five minutes early only to find out her date had already ordered -- and his food was just arriving. It gets worse. "He spit as he spoke. He was telling me how he'd just bought a new car and he made sure it only had an FM radio because he didn't want to pay for a CD player and he continuously called his ex-wife a b*tch." She pulled the bathroom disappearing act and went home.

Labor pains -- someone else's

"I went on a date where the guy kept putting his fingers on his nose," says one unfortunate woman. (By the way, I wish this were the only story about a nose-picking date I'd ever heard, but this phenomenon is disturbingly common. GUYS, we see you and we think it's gross! Stop that.) Anyway, she texted her friend an S.O.S. and her friend called back to say she was in labor. "Thank God for friends."

Phone drama

This saga is from the days when people met in AOL chat rooms and used big flip cell phones with no caller I.D. Our heroine met a man online who claimed to be a model and even had the photos to prove it (supposedly -- this was before video chat and Skype). They chatted online for about a month while he was on location at photo shoots -- or so he claimed.

Finally, they arranged to meet in the city where she lives. She drove to his place and the first thing she noticed was "OMG, he looked NOTHING like his photos." The way she describes him is a little cruel, but suffice it to say he was not conventionally handsome.

What's more, he still lived with his mother, who greeted her at the door saying she'd heard so much about her. "I walked in and his entire family, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, sisters, nieces, and nephews were all waiting to meet me." She freaked out.

She announced that she'd left her cell phone in her car and needed to go back out and get it. Her date offered to get it for her, but she declined. Then, she says, "I got in the car and sped the hell out of there."

It doesn't end there. He called while she was driving home to see what the matter was and she told him her dad had called and told her to come home. She apologized for leaving abruptly. Once she got home she changed her phone number and her AOL screen name. 

So much drama! I think it's worth pointing out that all of these stories are from when these women were young. The older you get, the more confident you become about saying how you really feel -- even if that's to tell a guy the date is over, now. But these tales of subterfuge are still funny to hear.

Have you ever come up with a made-up excuse to escape a bad date?

 

Image via djile/shutterstock

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