I Had a One Night Stand & My Husband Doesn't Know

When you think about one night stands, do images of tipsy 20-somethings stumbling out of bars come to mind? How about straight-laced, stay-at-home moms? Andrea, whose name is changed for obvious reasons, was brave enough to share her story of a one-night stand, and you might be surprised at how familiar her life feels to yours!

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Tell me a little bit about yourself!            

Well, I’m a stay-at-home mom to three kids under the age of 10, I’ve been married for just over 12 years, and I feel like I have a pretty average life. Maybe even a boring life.

Not always boring though, right? We are talking about one night stands here!

I guess so!

Can you tell me about that experience?

About a year ago, I went to an out-of-town wedding for one of my college friends without my husband and kids. After the wedding, I hooked up with someone in my hotel room.

Was it someone from the wedding?

No. It was actually someone I met online. I didn’t want to have it happen with someone who knew anyone in my real life.

So was the one night stand something you were actively looking for?

It was, which feels sort of weird to admit, I guess. I feel like I might get more judged for that than if I said it was just something that like randomly happened.

But the thing is that I got married really young and my husband and I were very religious and waited until after we were married to have sex. And sex was okay but I’ve never had an orgasm from sex itself so it has never been like AMAZING. Then we started having kids pretty much right away and that didn’t really help matters. My husband stopped being willing to do oral sex after watching the kids being born, so our sex life kind of dwindled at lot.

I still really love him and he is one of my best friends ever, but a few years ago I just started to wonder if I was missing out by only having one partner in my whole life. I was watching a lot of Sex and the City reruns while nursing at night, so that probably didn’t help!

Were you wondering if sex would be better with someone else or just wondering about being with someone else in general?

Both, I think? I think it was also about wanting to be with someone who didn’t see me as a mom first.

How was the experience?

It was kind of mixed. There was definitely a lot of, “I can’t believe I’m doing this!” mixed with some fear and excitement. I made sure we used protection and I did second guess myself a few times, but he was really respectful and it was nice.

Nice?

(Laughs) Well, yeah. It wasn’t like [X-rated movie] amazing, but it was different and interesting.

How did you feel afterward?

I felt empowered and sexy but also a guilty and a little worried. I don’t think there is any way my husband will find out, but I’m aware that he’d be crushed if he did.

I felt like I got what I wanted: to have my curiosity about being with someone else answered.

Would you do it again?

I don’t think you should ever say “never,” but I don’t plan to. First of all, I don’t really have opportunities to do it as a stay-at-home mom -- I never have time to myself. And I don’t want a divorce, so it is too high risk to try again.

Your husband was also a virgin when you got married. Do you ever worry that he also has curiosity about being with other women?

Yeah, I do think about that. He doesn’t seem to want sex as much as I do, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he at least thought about other women. If he ever acted on it, I would hope he makes sure I never find out and that he is safe, like I was.

Do any of your other mom friends know about this?

NO WAY. This is in the vault. Moms gossip!

Well, thanks for sharing about your experience. Anything else you’d add?

I’d just say that I hope people don’t judge me too much. I know that what I did was “wrong,” but nobody got hurt and I think it is probably more common than people realize.

What do you think? Can you understand why Andrea did what she did?


Image via bikeriderlondon/shutterstock

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