I'm Married & I'm Having an Affair

When it comes to cheating, 90 percent of Americans believe it is "always" or "almost always wrong," and yet we all know that it happens ... a lot.

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Have you ever wondered what would lead someone to cheat, and how they feel about about violating one of the bigger social taboos? I know I have (because, let's face it, I'm totally nosy), and so I'm glad that Sasha (not her real name, for obvious reasons) was willing to share her story.

More from The StirWomen Confess What Really Drove Them to Cheat on Their Spouses

Sasha is a pretty married mother of two who lives in the Midwest. For most of the year, she teaches elementary school. During the summer she volunteers with her church’s vacation Bible school (VBS), which is where her story begins ...

I’ve been volunteering with VBS for a couple of years now. Jennifer is the VBS director, so when she asked for help I was glad to pitch in. Jennifer and I have been close for years, but it wasn’t until I was spending more time at the church that I started to get to know her husband Dan better.

Jennifer and I both started having kids around the same time, so it was comfortable to start hanging out with them as a family. We’d do barbecues or movie nights at each other’s houses a few times a month and, on the Sundays when Dan didn’t preach (he’s the assistant pastor at our church), we’d go get coffee together after services.

Things started getting flirtatious between Dan and me about a year ago. We’d tease each other during game nights or pretend to play-fight. The first line we crossed was probably when he patted me on the butt (in a joking-but-not-really kind of way) as I was getting something out of the fridge. I responded by pinching him on the butt, and I think that sort of set up a progression of touching.

Over the next couple of months, Dan and I got closer. We’d chat online, and I’d send him pictures of me in my underwear. He’d send me pictures back. We eventually went on a vacation with Dan and Jenn and really got physical. Jenn was pregnant at the time and tired, so she’d go to bed early. Once my husband went to bed, we’d find somewhere secluded to go. We’ve never had sex, and we’ve never kissed, but we’ve done things so that both of us have had orgasms. We’ve never talked about the "no kissing" or "no sex" thing. I suspect it feels like those are lines that are too big to cross.

I don’t have any plans to divorce my husband. He is a great guy and my best friend. We don’t have a lot of passion in our relationship, but we have kids, a life, and nearly 20 years of history together. I know Dan will never leave Jenn. He loves her too, and, frankly, a divorce might cost him his job as a pastor.

Sometimes I feel guilty about this, like when I was planning Jenn’s baby shower, and she sent me a card saying how I was her best friend and that she loved that our families are so close. I don’t really know what I’m doing here. The thing with Dan is the most interesting thing in my life these days. I know it won’t last forever, but I just can’t seem to break it off.

I’m sure people will judge me for this. They probably should. I know what it sounds like. But it doesn’t feel wrong enough to stop.

Is Sasha setting herself up for disaster? What do you think of her story?


Image via © iStock.com/KatarzynaBialasiewicz

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