Women Confess What the Temptation to Cheat Really Feels Like

Maressa Brown | May 27, 2015 Love & Sex

woman flirting with man under tableNinety-one percent of Americans believe marital infidelity is morally wrong, according to a recent Gallup poll. But that's not enough to keep everyone faithful. Sure, some of us may never be tempted, but others are constantly fighting their own genetics to stay mongamous, according to recent research. No wonder so many people have, at one time or another, felt the urge to stray from their partner.

Here, 13 women reveal how they were tempted to cheat and why they put the brakes on actually having an affair.

Have you ever been tempted to cheat? What happened?


Image via iStock.com/bdavidsonphoto

  • "He stays late at work or drinking with his boss, leaving me alone to feed our two kids and put them to bed."

    1

    "I am occasionally tempted, but never have given in. There are different reasons each time. He had an emotional affair, and I felt like I wanted to get back at him. He stays late at work or drinking with his boss, leaving me alone to feed our two kids and put them to bed. He doesn't brush his teeth, or put his dirty clothes in the hamper. He buys my birthday or anniversary gifts on the day of, and they usually aren't great, etc.  I guess along the way, I just stopped feeling respected and revered."

  • "We didn't take each other seriously at first ..."

    2

    "At the beginning of our friendship, I was tempted. I didn't go through with it. It just wasn't worth it, and I couldn't have lived with myself had I hurt my then-boyfriend. We've been together for almost 11 years, and at the very beginning, we honestly didn't think we'd end up falling in love and getting married. We didn't take each other seriously at first, but then realized that we were each other's soulmate."

  • "He offered me a free massage. I knew it would probably turn into more than that ..."

    3

    "My ex-husband had his first affair in 2005. Even though I kicked him out of the house, we still tried to make things work (or so I thought) for another 6 years. At that point, we had run into an old classmate (let's call him Brian) at the store. Brian wanted to catch up and asked us to look him up on Facebook. We ended up chatting, and I found out he's a licensed massage therapist. I had been having a really rough week between work and my then-husband. I had found out my husband was having another affair and had gotten the woman pregnant, and the child was about 6 months old. Brian offered me a free massage. I knew it would probably turn into more than that. As the massage went on, it was evident it may have a 'happy ending.' But after all that crap I had been through, I couldn't do it. Brian had a wife and kids. I could not be that woman. He told me things were over between them, but all I could think was, 'Is that what my husband had been telling these girls about us?' So, I left without my happy ending."

  • "He gave me virtually no positive attention ..."

    4

    "I was tempted while with an ex. I knew that he was most likely cheating on me. At the very least, he gave me virtually no positive attention. Another guy was giving me that attention, and I liked it. He made me feel wanted. When it came down to it, though, I couldn't do it. I am just not a cheater. The guy kissed me, and I said no. Didn't hang out with him again after that. I eventually left that ex. He had been cheating, so ..."

  • "I thought about cheating when my ex habitually cheated ..."

    5

    "I thought about cheating when my ex habitually cheated, but my morals and wedding vows meant something to me -- even if his didn't mean anything to him."

    More from The Stir: Women Confess What Really Drove Them to Cheat on Their Spouses

  • "I have a high sex drive ..."

    6

    "I've been tempted. I have a high sex drive, and my husband not so much. He works a lot and if he is not at work, he is sleeping. But I've never cheated."

  • " ... I would have liked to have gotten back at him ..."

    7

    "For a minute, I was tempted. My soon-to-be ex-husband was cheating on me. I had the proof, and as much as I would have liked to have gotten back at him, I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to act that way. It's a horrible feeling to be cheated on."

  • "He was gorgeous, talented, had a charismatic personality ..."

    8

    "I was in an unhappy relationship that was struggling on its last breaths.  I was also a student and tasked with following a contemporary dance group. One day, there was a chat after the company's rehearsal, and I sat next to the choreographer. He was gorgeous, talented, had a charismatic personality. There was a moment it was just the two of us, and the rest of the room faded away. When his secretary called a week later to see whether I could come again for a meeting, I was so tempted. My then-SO was in front of me. I decided to try to save the relationship one more time. I don't regret my decision, [but] I do think that my decision at the time should have been to sit SO down and tell him that we were over. My attraction to another man was just a manifestation of all the unhappiness that I had been in, and with then-SO not willing to change anything (because he was perfect, and I was the problem). It was useless to want to revive it. It would have saved me time and much sadness."

  • "My husband and I were fighting all the time ..."

    9

    "My husband and I were fighting all the time and battling a lot of unhappiness. I was vaguely tempted to take flirtation with a guy at work -- who was getting divorced himself -- to the next level. But when it came down to it, there was no way I could do that to my husband or sabotage our marriage like that."

    More from The Stir: Cheating on Your Spouse Is Selfish, But That's Why It Should Be Forgiven (VIDEO)

  • "It was more of a bored thing I guess ..."

    10

    "I had a semi-crush on a guy once years ago ... It was more of a bored thing I guess, and I distanced myself once he made it crystal clear that he was very interested."

  • "My husband was very sick, and it was terminal ..."

    11

    "My husband was very sick, and it was terminal. There was a void in my life that I needed and wanted. And I had a lot of anger, because prior to his illness, he has cheated on me, but I forgave him. At this point, I felt it was like 'what goes around ... ' But I never cheated on him. He lived very ill for a year and a half, and I stayed devoted to him. I was resentful some days, but knew I had my life ahead of me. I  learned that my self-control was much stronger than I ever knew."

  • "My ex was NOT my ideal in any way, so I really should not have married him in the first place."

    12

    "The whole time I was married for 16 years to my ex, I daydreamed countless times about being with other guys (guys that I knew) and felt tempted. My ex was NOT my ideal in any way, so I really should not have married him in the first place. One thing I am glad about, is despite how strongly I felt tempted on and off, I never cheated on him. I HATE cheating; it disgusts me, and I think there is no acceptable excuse for it. I feel like if you want to be with someone else, then end the other relationship first. I forced myself to wait a whole year to date even after I left him, out of respect to everyone else's well-being and felt it was healthier for me too. I don't think I would be able to sleep at night or look at myself in the mirror if I had become a cheater."

    More from The Stir: 9 Facts About Cheating That Could Change How You Feel About It

  • " ... only after I found out my ex-husband was sleeping with his best friend's wife ..."

    13

    "I've been tempted. In my defense, it was only after I found out my ex-husband was sleeping with his best friend's wife, our neighbor's girlfriend, his nephew's friend's girlfriend, and a couple strippers. Despite this, I still never cheated on him; it just didn't feel right to me. Despite all of the hurt I felt."

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