A Good Fight Is What Every Marriage Needs

My husband and I have been married for nearly 10 years and over the course of a decade together, we've had our fair share of fights. Some have been, in hindsight, incredibly stupid (the battle over place mats for the dining room table) and some have incredibly frustrating (why, oh why, are we still fighting about who is responsible for changing the oil in the car?). But there is another type of fight we've had that I think every couple should have: the fight that changes your relationship for the better.


This kind of fight can be about things big or small, but ultimately results in you and your partner learning to better understand each other and helps strengthen the relationship over the long run. Read on to see some amazing examples from real women who are glad for a few of fights they've had:

"My husband and I got into a doozy of a fight about how to best help my first grader with her homework. I was so annoyed with how hard on her he was being, and he was frustrated that I'm too soft. As we processed how to help with the homework, we were able to really talk about our parenting in general and now he knows that just because I don't yell it doesn't mean I'm not being strict too." -- Jamie J., married 12 years.

"We once got into it because I was annoyed that my husband made another 'joke' about never getting laid. It really hurt my feelings even though he claimed he was joking. It finally let to us both talking about why our sex life wasn't rocking it the way it used to and about how I don't like being teased about that. We have much better conversations about it now." -- Lisa D., married 8 years.

"I grew up being taught that wives are to be submissive to their husbands and so I really tried to never disagree with my husband because I was told that was 'disrespectful.' So, in some ways, our best fight was our first one. When I finally expressed my own opinion and the world didn't end, it was like I could take a deep breath. He also let me know that he didn't want a wife with no opinions of her own." -- Rochelle H., married 5 years

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"We never used to talk about money until we got into a blowout about his credit card debt. It sort of cracked us open and now we regularly talk about money stuff which has totally helped our finances." -- Paula P., married 3 years.

"My mother-in-law totally ignored my request that she not feed the baby any solid food, and my husband acted like it it wasn't a big deal. I felt like it was part of a bigger problem about his mom not respecting my boundaries and so we ended up actually fighting about this in front of our couples counselor and she helped us really sort it out." -- Sheila D., married 7 years

"My husband and I started dating when we were in high school. We got into a fight about something stupid (I don't even remember what) and broke up before we went to college. We got back together after college, but I'm glad we broke up when we did. We each got to sow some wild oats and grow up before we settled down, and I think we are stronger for that." -- Jessica L., married 4 months

"I had complained to my husband that he needed to do more to help keep the house up, but it wasn't until I flipped out and threw a pile of dirty laundry at his head that he realized how frustrated I really was. He has stepped it up and I now know that if I go nuclear, he pays attention." --Stacey V., married 2 years

"On our first wedding anniversary, my husband didn't get me a card and I was heartbroken. We ended up having a fight about it and that led to us figuring out that we have different 'love languages' and knowing that helps us love each other better. Boy, that sounds cheesy, but it is true!" -- Kirsten D., married 15 years

For me and my husband, it was the fight about when to have a baby that really helped us sort out what kind of family and lifestyle we wanted, something that, two kids later, I'm glad we talked about.

What was your most valuable fight?


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