6 Things Men Need to Know About These Easy-Access 'PlayPants'

playpants
Could these jeans save your marriage? Many men probably hope so. You see, PlayPants are magic! They make it possible to give men exactly what they want any time of the day, in any place. But there's a catch.

Advertisement

They're completely ridiculous.

PlayPants are jeans with a "secret" zipper inside the front pocket -- which you can unzip, allowing one unfettered access to the wearer's family jewels. Men can play with themselves on the DL. But better yet, YOU can slip your hands into your S.O.'s front pocket and pleasure him, all while pretending to search for his car keys. No one will suspect a thing.*

*Exceptions:

1. They hide nothing. People will know what your hand is doing because what else could that moving lump right over your crotch be, a lost hamster?!?

2. Their distinctive design will give you away. PlayPants have a double button fly, for reasons unknown. But now that photos the distinctive jeans have gone viral, we're just going to assume you're playing with yourselves when you wear them. Even when hands aren't in the pockets.

3. We all have radar for salacious behavior. You think you're being subtle, with your groping. "Lalala, I'm touching my weenie and no one knows and it feels so goooood." But you are not!

4. Wearing while drunk won't help. We notice even when you're drinking and mistakenly think alcohol renders you and your S.O. invisible. It does not. We still see hands fumbling inside jeans.

5. Good luck getting a willing participant. For all of these reasons, PlayPants are not going to induce women to grope their men in public more. Sorry, guys.

6. It does not take that long to find keys.

Nice try, though! Here's an idea: Save your money and just cut a hole in your jean pockets. Or -- and call me crazy, but this sounds even better -- maybe stop acting like bonobo apes in public and do your groping at home. Just an idea.

In conclusion, groping each other is good for your marriage, but doing it at home is better for the rest of us.

More from The Stir: These Naughty Home Accessories Will Make You Blush

Do you think anyone is seriously going to wear these jeans for their intended purpose?

 

Image via PlayPants/Kickstarter

 

Read More >