An Open Letter From Eva Mendes' Sweatpants

angela weiss

Eva Mendes was wrong about divorce and sweatpants, and she's sorry. So sorry she posted an apology to her sweatpants via Instagram. But did her apology go far enough? Eva's sweatpants have broken their silence on the controversy with an open letter.

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Dear Eva and married women everywhere,

Hey, no hard feelings. I get it. You want to look your best for your boo, and I have somehow become the poster child for letting yourself go. (I'm giving Faded Hoodie from College the side eye, but whatever.) I know I'm slouchy and sloppy and usually unflattering. 

But I don't cause divorce! People cause divorce. If anything, I can be good for marriage. Really.

First of all, I make all your other clothes look hot. Wear those pencil skirts and skinny jeans all the time and Ryan will just get used to it. Change out of me and into that dress and he'll take notice. Wow, what a transformation! (Anyway, you know Ryan thinks your hot no matter what.)

Secondly, wearing me sends him an important message: "I am not my husband's toy." Because you're not. Ryan, take your hands off your wife for five minutes, will you? We know she's gorgeous, but she can't have you pawing at her all the time. You know? Sweatpants say, "Bae, between you and the baby, if one more person touches me I'm going to LOSE IT DO YOU HEAR ME? I need a time out." 

More from The Stir: 7 Major Marriage Mistakes That Can Lead to Divorce

Wearing me takes pressure off of him, too. If you're dressed up all the time, how is Ryan supposed to relax around you? Maybe he wants to wear sweats, too. 

OMG, he IS wearing sweatpants! 

ryan gosling

Ugh, still hot. How does he do that?!? 

Life is hard. Sometimes you just need to wear comfortable clothing.

I'm not saying you should wear me all the time, every day, everywhere. I'm just saying, I mean well. I'm not out to destroy your marriage, unlike those orange Crocs. 

Sincerely,

Sweatpants

orange crocs

Crocs: "Wait, whut??"

Do you think wearing sweatpants sometimes is actually good for your marriage?

 

Images via Angela Weiss/Getty Images, Miguel Aguilar/Sam Sharma, PacificCoastNews.com, Crocs

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