12 Things Meghan ‘Dear Future Husband’ Trainor Needs to Learn About Marriage

meghan trainorBless her heart, Meghan Trainor has written a cute song called "Dear Future Husband." Haven't we all been there? Written a letter to some hypothetical man who might someday become our husband? On the back of your high school notebook?


Aw, I'm just teasing Trainor. It's not such a bad idea, really, thinking about what you want out of a future mate. And I like a lot of her "requests." But some of these others? Hoo boy, looks like Meghan's got a lot to learn about marriage!

1. "Take me on a date/ I deserve it, babe/ And don't forget the flowers every anniversary." Yes, these are great ways for a couple to stay connected. These little gestures, like flowers, say so much about how you feel about each other.

2. "'Cause if you treat me right/ I'll be the perfect wife/ Buying groceries/ Buy-buying what you need." So ... are you saying that's your definition of a perfect wife? Ruh roh, you're in trouble, Future Mr. Trainor.

3. "You got that 9 to 5/ But baby, so do I/ So don't be thinking I'll be home and baking apple pies." YES, good, do make it clear that your career is important to you.

4. "I never learned to cook." That's why there's Seamless.

5. "You gotta know how to treat me like a lady/ Even when I'm acting crazy." When women supposedly act "crazy" what's really happening is that they're feeling their feelings and possibly having totally normal hormonal fluctuations. Own those feelings, Meghan! You're not "crazy" for having them. I'm putting a copy of Julie Holland's new book Moody Bitches in the mail for you today. Read it.

6. "If you wanna get that special lovin'/ Tell me I'm beautiful each and every night." Sure, helping each other feel desirable is essential for a healthy sex life! Hope you tell him he's handsome, too.

7. "After every fight/ Just apologize/ And maybe then I'll let you try and rock my body right." Okay, haven't we talked about this? Sex is not a bartering chip. It's about connecting with your husband. Using sex to blackmail your husband into apologizing is PA-THE-TIC.

More from The Stir: 'Choreplay' Is the Worst Thing to Ever Happen to Sex

8. "Even if I was wrong/ Why disagree?/ Why, why disagree?" Why?? Oh I don't know. Maybe because you're WRONG???

9. "Make time for me/ Don't leave me lonely/ And know we'll never see your family more than mine," Ugh, you're starting that argument preemptively? What if your family is annoying? Just saying.

10. "I'll be sleeping on the left side of the bed (hey)." Maybe see the room and the bed before you decide that, hey.

11. "Don't have a dirty mind/ Just be a classy guy." No, actually you want him to have a dirty mind. A gentleman on the street and an animal in bed -- trust me on this.

12. "Buy me a ring/ Buy-buy me a ring, (babe)." Yeah, he knows. He knows.

What do you think of Meghan Trainor's vision of marriage?


Image via Jason Merritt/Getty Images



Read More >