Fallen Out of Love With Your Husband? 5 Smart Things to Do (Instead of Divorce!)

wife bored with husbandLong-term monogamy can be hard, especially for women. We are more likely to suffer a loss of libido due to familiarity than men are, in fact. Few women want to admit it, but a lot of you have fallen out of love with your husband. So what do you do about that, if otherwise the marriage is still working? Say goodbye to romance for the rest of your life?


We asked Dr. Pepper Schwartz, relationship thought leader at Life Reimagined and author of Frommer’s/AARP Places for Passion: The 75 Most Romantic Destinations in the World for her advice. How do some women maintain sexual interest in their husbands for years and years?

1. Encourage your husband to evolve. "You can't manufacture excitement that has gone away without change," Schwartz says. Men notoriously like everything to stay the same. But positive change, whether it's a haircut, a new job, or a new hobby, will shake up your vision of your husband. Don't force it -- but do encourage him to explore new parts of himself.

Okay, some of you are muttering (or shouting) at the laptop, he is never going to change anything about himself, everrrrr! I hear you. So this is another option.

2. Try new things together. Another way to see your husband in a new light is to explore together. Schwartz says this could include "learning a new sport together at which he excels, or roughing it on a trip where he can show his manly, competent side." Look for activities that allow your husband to show a new, sexier side of his personality -- or at least a side of himself that's new to you.

Dr. Schwartz recommends the relationship-building activities on LifeReimagined.org, which "aim to bring you and your partner closer together, in terms of intimacy, bond and communication."

More from The Stir: 10 Things Happy Couples Never Do in Their Relationships

3. Enable your husband to show off. "She needs to see him on the turf he is most impressive on, whether it's in the lab, his Gortex ski jacket, or running his marathon," Schwartz says. Marathon-running husband? Sign us up for one of those! Well, even if extraordinary acts of physical fitness are not his thing, there must be something you respect your husband for doing, and which allows him to show himself in the best possible light. Be an appreciative audience.

4. Allow a little space into your marriage. "It helps if he is a bit unknowable," Schwartz says, "if he is a man who cannot be owned, but is capable of loyalty, kindness and sensitivity upon occasion." Who is this exciting James Bond/Daddy type?!? We want to meet him.

Okay, but seriously. Schwartz recommends avoiding obvious turnoffs, like watching your husband floss his teeth. And it goes beyond that. "It's important to create atmospheres where romance and respect can flourish. Let there be a little bit of distance, so parts of him remain a mystery."

5. Don't badger him into being more manly. "Sometimes wives goad their husbands into big angry reactions just to see this uber side of his personality," Schwartz says. "But this can be destructive since she is creating the very contempt she would like to avoid." Pay attention to those moment when you find yourself picking a fight with your husband -- and stop yourself. There are more positive ways to help him express himself.

Do you worry about feeling a little bored with your husband sometimes?


Image via Federico Marsicano/Shutterstock

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