Your Sex Life Is Going to Heat Up Again -- But WHEN?!!

man and woman laughing in bed

It's no big secret that once you have a family, finding the time and energy to have sex becomes a struggle. (Unless, you're a porn star, in which case you're all good.) But no need to keep wondering when your sex life will heat up again because scientists have found the answer! Alas, it is not anytime soon.


According to a new study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior (which sounds anything but sexy), you and your hubby will be getting busy in about, oh, 50 years.

No, really.

Researchers from Baylor, Louisiana State, and Florida State Universities analyzed the relationships (meaning: asked lots of personal questions) of over 1,600 couples between the ages of 57-85. Once they crunched all that data, they found a surprising pattern. As soon as couples reached a half-century of marriage, they actually experienced a small sexual rebound.

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What isn't so clear is the reason why. The researchers threw out some mumbo-jumbo about feeling more comfortable and trusting your partner, but we don't think it takes 50 years to do that unless your partner is a psychopath. Our own personal theory is simple. You finally have the house to yourself again.

Other research has also shown a spike in empty-nesters' sex lives. And we don't have to interview a thousand couples to understand why: There's no longer a need to schedule Date Night or even close the bedroom door. And you're probably not having to kick over a pile of Legos/unfolded laundry/Walter the Farting Dog picture books to rip off each other's clothes.

But 50 years is a long way off, ladies. Might we suggest not waiting until then?

Do you ever wonder who pays for research like this?

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