'Fifty Shades of Green' Beer Won't Enhance His Performance Like These 10 Things Will

man drinking beerThe womenfolk sure are excited about the Fifty Shades of Grey movie, but what about the fellas? Never fear! Guys, Innis & Gunn's "50 Shades of Green" beer with "performance enhancing" ingredients is just for you!


Yes, thanks to 50 aphrodisiac ingredients like ginseng and ginko biloba the 50 Shades of Green beer will let the guys in on the Fifty Shades fun AND not enhance their sexuality a whit.

Bwa ha ha! Oh come on. No beer is going to enhance a man's mojo, I don't care what they put in it. It's still alcohol, and it's the sleepiest booze to boot, if you ask me. Guys, you're better off enhancing your performance these ways.

  1. Getting enough sleep.
  2. Getting regular cardiovascular workouts. That means running, swimming, biking -- not lifting a few weights, strolling around the gym, posting a selfie, doing another set, checking out that chick's "form" ...
  3. Eating chili peppers, bananas, and garlic. (Brush your teeth, though.)
  4. Reducing the stress in your life. Oh, you've already gone and had children? Oh well!
  5. Cutting back on alcohol, tobacco, and drugs. If you're doing too much it's going to catch up with you where you least want it to.
  6. Pleasing your lady. Yes, really! Paying attention to your partner, admiring the view, taking your lovemaking slowly all help to make you last longer.
  7. Doing yoga. Probably. That's what they all say, anyway.
  8. Therapy. Getting over all your "issues" -- like, do you have a bad relationship with your mother? That's literally a boner-killer. Science says so.
  9. Not obsessing over being a macho man. Relax! It's not a contest or a race. Anxiety is not good for male performance.
  10. Improving your overall health. If your whole body is working well, little Peter will work well. Did I say little? I mean, BIG PEETIE!

Do you think any men will be seen drinking this beer in public?


Image via All Kind of People/Shutterstock


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