10 Ways Your BFF Can Help You Have a Better Love Life

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When it comes to your love life, it may be time to get in bed with your best girlfriend.

No, not like that! But while you may think that your gal pals don’t have anything to do with your amore, having your friends in your romantic corner (figuratively, not literally) can actually help bring you closer to the man in your life.

"While your close female friendships aren't going to replace your primary love relationship, they can enhance it, or even save it, by continuously reminding you that love, in its many forms, is the only option when you want to bring your relationship to the next level," say Karen Hudson and Lily Hills, best friends since childhood and co-authors of A Feminine Manifesta.

With that in mind, check out these ways you and your posse can help each other bring new depth to your non-platonic partnerships!

Does your friend help or hurt your relationship? Share!


  • Keep the Gripe Sessions Short

    1

    Obviously women chat with each other about their issues with their men, but constantly whining about your partner in front of your friends is an unproductive exercise. Think sounding board, not b*tch session! 

    A better way to approach these “gripe fests” is to try and minimize the amount of time spent male bashing and instead approach this as a conversation about the issue. "In chatting it out with a gal pal, you may come to understand his point of view better -- even if you still think he’s wrong -- which will lead to better communication with your partner," say Hudson and Hills. 

  • Use Your Friend for a Pre-Conflict Pep Talk

    2

    Practice makes perfect and can also help you win ... arguments that is.

    Before facing your partner about something that’s been driving you nuts, talk to your friend about it. Discuss the best way to approach the conversation with your partner without it leading to a fight. Sometimes just hearing yourself speak out loud will allow you to choose kinder, smarter, and more productive words when you're actually face-to-face with your guy. 

    Also try to include positives in the conversation like what you love about your relationship and why you want to work to keep it solid. Remember, this is a pre-conflict pep rally. The goal is to go into any “discussions” with your man also remembering the good things and not just wanting to rip his head off.

  • Remind Each Other About Accountability

    3

    In every relationship, there are two people -- that includes friendships and romantic entanglements. Sometimes it is important to be reminded of the fact that you are also responsible for your part of the equation. 

    "We can’t expect our partner to make it a great relationship," say Hudson and Hills. "If your girlfriend has committed to staying in her relationship, it’s important to share with her that it’s also her job to help create and maintain a healthy union." And it's important for you to remember that as well.

  • Write Out a Loving List

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    In the same way you'd write out your grocery or to-do list, writing out a "loving list" can help you remember why you are in this relationship to begin with ... something that can get lost in the midst of everyday chores and responsibilities.

    "Putting feelings down on paper has a powerful impact on both the writer and the receiver," say Hudson and Hills. "Once a year, remind your girlfriend to write down all the things she loves about her husband/partner." 

    Then do the same exercise yourself. Save this list and refer to it when the going gets tough. Keep it in your wallet or on your nightstand or someplace easily accessible.

    You can also suggest that your man create a list too if he's open to it. Or go one step further and create a mutual list writing the ways both partners want to grow as a couple.

  • Just Say What You Want

    5

    Bottom line, men are simply not mind readers! Often, they are trying to figure out what it is that their lady wants but end up completely perplexed by the feeling of resentment that comes through in the form of silence and mixed messages. Confusion does not lead to strong relationships, but clear communication does.

    Good friends can assist you in learning to communicate more effectively with your romantic partner by helping you isolate your needs. For example, is it really that piece of jewelry you want, or is it a desire for validation of your relationship?

    Once you know what exactly it is you're craving from your partner, you can articulate that more precisely (believe it or not, guys want to know how to make you happy). When given a clear directive, he stands a way better chance of providing the things that make you feel secure in the relationship.

  • Suggest a Weekly Meetings of the Mates

    6

    It's pretty much a sure thing: if there is conflict in the household, it will inevitably create stress in the relationship. When you observe your friend struggling with her guy over issues related to their partnership or family (if they have kids), recommend that she sit down with her man and decide, as a team, how they want to handle the issue. This “united front” is the best way to bring conflict resolution and give a clear idea as to exactly what the boundaries are. 

    If the issues are too large for you to help her solve, encourage her to get some coaching or counseling. Weekly meetings in the form of couples' therapy or even just regularly scheduling a powwow at home can really help keep relationships on track.

  • Help Your Buddy Get Some Alone Time

    7

    Spending fun time together alone is sometimes all that it takes to remind you how crazy you are about your partner. But carving out the time to make that a reality can be another story!

    "Offer to take your girlfriend's kids so that she can go out on a romantic date with the man she is in love with," suggest Hudson and Hills. "Get her excited by helping her plan where they are going to go to dinner or dancing, and what sexy fun outfit she has to wear to enjoy her night out on the town!"

    Then hopefully she will return the favor! Sometimes it takes a team to make date night happen.

  • Hang With Other Couples

    8

    In the same way it's important to carve out alone time with your partner, sometimes a great way to spice up your own relationship is to bring another couple into the mix.

    "Researchers have found that having a 'highly disclosing conversation with another couple' ultimately resulted in feeling closer to one's own partner," say Hudson and Hills. "Create fun memories together with another couple that you enjoy spending time with. When you have a cool weekend trip on the books -- you’ll all have something fun to look forward to together!"

    Plus, watching the way another couple interacts can help you discover what works well -- or isn't working -- in your own relationship, so you can make your pairing even more potent!

  • Compliment Each Other Regularly to Increase Intimacy

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    "Sometimes guys forget to verbally compliment their ladies -- it doesn’t always come naturally to men -- but it’s easy for us gals to remind our girlfriend how unique and beautiful she is," say Hudson and Hills. "Increasing one’s confidence will make one feel sexier and more amorous."

    Instead of looking only to your guy to be affirmed, try to remember how your BFF sees you! Genuinely building each other up will give you both the confidence needed to explore a different kind of intimacy with your man as well.

    Sharing stories of your romantic successes can also help you both garner new ideas to infuse into your own intimate relationship.

  • Tell Your Friend How Lucky She Is

    10

    Planning regular face-to-face "dates" with your gal pals can help you remember to be thankful for the good things you have!

    "Spending time with our girlfriends gives us a great excuse to get out of the day-to-day rhythm of running a household and all the tasks that accompany being a wife and mother," say Hudson and Hills. "It’s when we take a break in our routine that we can more clearly see all that we have." Single girlfriends can also be a reminder of how hard it can be out there in the "dating world."

    Guide each other to focus on what you love about your relationships and all you have to be grateful for, and you'll both end up more appreciative of the positives ... in your lives and in love.

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