8 Good Reasons Why Moms Stay Married for the Kids

Adriana Velez | Dec 16, 2014 Love & Sex

couple in conflict with kidsWhat's really keeping married couples together? Maybe not love -- for each other, anyway. A new poll of 2,000 couples found that a full quarter, one in four, are staying married only for the kids. Wow, can you relate to that? We checked in with an online community of moms and found many who completely agree. Here's what they have to say.

Do you agree with any of these reasons? Which ones?

 

Image via Paul Vasarhelyi/Shutterstock

  • Money, Money, Money

    1

    Among the top 10 reasons couples don't divorce, four have to do with money. Women fear they can't afford to support themselves and that divorce will cost too much. They stay to keep their husbands' money and because they share too many financial interests.

  • Sometimes It's Not That Bad

    2

    Many women say they think it's okay to stay married for the kids as long as there is no abuse, infidelity, or major conflict.

    "I have been in relationships where we just fell out of love but remained excellent friends," says one mom of three. "You could even have different work shifts to minimize moments alone with the other person if one-on-one made you uncomfortable."

    A mom of two says, "I would definitely sacrifice my happiness for my children if it's a matter of lack of love or passion."

  • The Kids Are Too Attached

    3

    When people stay married for their kids, it's because they see how happy it makes their children to be with their dads every day.

    "I can't stand my kids' father," says a mom of three. "But I feel bad because they love him and I feel like I don't have any help besides him."

    A mom to two girls dreams of being single, but "the kids adore him and he them, it would tear our family apart."

  • You Could Still Reconcile

    4

    Some moms see marital dissatisfaction as temporary. They don't want to give up on something they stand a chance of working out eventually.

    "Yep, at one point in my marriage, the only reason I stayed was for the kids," says a mom whose husband struggles with mental illness. "Now I'm glad I didn't give up, but boy, I came close."

    "The third alternative is for the kids to be raised by parents who have a commitment to stay together and respect each other, even though 'the magic is gone' or 'they just don't love each other anymore,'" says an anonymous mom. "Some marriages should end, but in others the parents need to put on their big girl/boy pants, get over the fact that they are disappointed and think they could have done better, and start building a relationship based on respect and family instead of passion and romance."

  • You're Against Divorce on Principle

    5

    Some women feel it's better to live with someone they don't love than to live with a decision that goes against their values.

    "I, for one, am sticking around mainly for the kids and because I am against divorce for most reasons (not all)," says another mom. "But my husband and I never fight and I'm a good actress. In fact, my husband thinks nothing is wrong with our marriage at all. He's happy and says I'm his best friend."

  • Feel Independent Enough Already

    6

    For some women, the relationship with their husbands isn't that important to their happiness one way or the other. So why go through the trouble? "I am not a sexual person and very independent. I would rather my children have a father than me having a companion," says a mother of six.

  • You're Still Good Friends

    7

    Some couples still feel attached as friends, and that's good enough. "DH and I are best friends and we do love each other, value each other, and it shows, there is no abuse and no fighting," says an anonymous mom. "We just are better as friends than lovers. But our kids have a stable happy life with us staying together."

    More from The Stir: 10 Signs It's Time to Get a Divorce

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