The Very Satisfying Thing That Happens to Most Men's Bodies After Divorce

man gaining weightWronged wives, I've got some great news from the bwa-ha-ha files: Men get fat after divorce. Oh yeah. A survey of over 10,000 people shows men are 63 percent more likely to gain weight after divorcing as opposed to men who stay married. What about wives, divorce, and weight gain? Oh, I'm so glad you asked.

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Women's chances of post-divorce weight gain are half of men's. HA! You guys. Women aren't the only ones who eat their feelings. For the first time ever we're seeing slim (har har) evidence that there may be a sliver of justice in this world.

Okay, but seriously. This is yet more evidence of how marriage affects men's health. We already know that marriage is good for the health of men and women. But the institution is especially good for men's hearts, mental health, and sex lives. Take marriage away, and that all takes a nose dive. Because. When you're a newly single guy, no one loves you like a pint of ice cream loves you

(I'm sorry. I was trying so hard to be compassionate while writing this.)

For those of you who are still married (not me, obviously), it's nice to know that your union is good for your man in so many ways. You are literally making this guy you love happier and healthier just by being his wife. And that -- I'm being serious again here -- should make you feel great. Good for you! I mean it. I hope he is doing the same to you, too.

What do you think would happen to your husband if you two ever split up?

 

Image via Bacho/Shutterstock

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