Women Need to Quit Thinking SO Much About Marriage & Kids

family on beachThese days, more women than ever before are CEOs and senators, but if you're not a Mrs. and/or a mom by your mid-to-late-20s, you're sure to be asked when you plan to be. A LOT. (Maybe even daily!) And it doesn't matter if you own your own business, teach high school English, or star in major motion pictures. In fact, we seem to have even higher expectations for celebs. (Hey, shouldn't they be just like us if they want us to be able to relate to them in a movie!?) 

Consider Cameron Diaz, who tackled the topic for the gazillionth time in the November issue of Marie Claire. "I'm not looking for a husband or marriage or not not looking for that stuff," she explains. "I'm living, not thinking what I should or shouldn't be doing with my life. ... I'm not going to do something because it’s expected. If a family happens, then it happens."

Huh. Wait, hold up -- what does she mean she's not thinking about what she should or shouldn't be doing with her life?!

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For most women -- those who've always envisioned marriage and/or kids in their future or whose goal is just to make sure they're living a fulfilled, happy-as-possible life -- it's hard to understand how you could NOT think about those things, let alone worry, stress out, and perhaps even have a nervous breakdown!

But it sounds like, for Cameron, it's pretty simple. She's let go. Let go of all of these preconceived notions of what fulfillment and happiness "should" look like.

In fact, we would all do well to think less and live more, especially when it comes to our relationships.

Because being so mentally glued to preconceived notions of what will make our lives complete may actually hold us back. Many of us get so hung-up on what we're expected to do that we lose sight of what we really want to do.

Getting married and having kids are two complicated, major life decisions we make for a whole host of reasons. But you can't deny there's a certain amount of pressure -- from our circle of friends, our community, social expectation -- we all feel to tie the knot and become a parent on a conventional timeline.

More from The Stir: 7 Major Wedding Mistakes That Can Lead to Divorce

We all know people who got married because 30 was right around the corner, or because they felt like acquiring a spouse is a necessary stopover on the way to achieving the white picketed fence, 2.5 kids, and a dog American Dream.

On the flip side, crazy as it may sound, I bet some people even feel pressured to file for divorce, because they're surrounded by divorcing friends and get mixed messages about whether or not it's worth it to fight through inevitable challenges in their marriage.

Pulling the trigger on any these life-changing decisions can happen as a result of relying on your brain more than your heart and your gut. And not in a helpful way.

Because what happens when we think too much about our choices and the timeline on which we'll hit certain milestones? When we're thinking too much about how other people will perceive us based on our marital or parental status? All that thinking just seems to suck the living out of us.

Now, don't get me wrong: By simply living, you might end up heading down the aisle or into the delivery room. But that route is so much better than assuming you know better than life and attempting to think your way there!

What was a particular time when you wish you had chosen living over thinking?

 

Image via iStock.com/gradyreese

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