Soul Mates Do Exist Despite What the Skeptics Say


Have you found your soul mate? Did you marry him? Or don't you even think soul mates exist?

This might surprise you, but the idea of soul mates has been around for hundreds of years. The notion that each of us has one person we are drawn to, committed to for life before we're even born, is not new. But for many modern women (and men), the concept is tired. They've stopped believing in soul mates.

Soul mates are dead.

Instead, we've replaced that theory with a different one: We could have hundreds of "soul mates," potentially! So many people out there could be the right fit for us, could be "the one" for us ... if only we try.


As Pamela Druckerman wrote in a recent New York Times essay:

There are no soul mates. Not in the traditional sense, at least. In my 20s someone told me that each person has not one but 30 soul mates walking the earth. ('Yes,' said a colleague, when I informed him of this, 'and I’m trying to sleep with all of them.') In fact, 'soul mate' isn’t a pre-existing condition. It’s an earned title. They’re made over time.

More from The Stir: 6 Reasons Not to Worry If You Haven’t Found Your Soul Mate

I know people believe this and I think it can be true. Maybe we could force ourselves to fit with more than one person. But I can't help myself. I still believe in soul mates.

I come by it honestly.

My husband and I met when we were 10 years old. We grew up down the street from one another in a small town in Ohio, where football players and cheerleaders were the bee's knees. Think Friday Night Lights set in the Midwest rather than Texas, and you have some sense of our childhood.

When I was 16, my family moved to Boston, far away from the Friday night lights and values that had made up my Midwestern upbringing. My mother, who had met my husband as class mother when we were 11, later died when I was just 16. And eventually, I went off to college on the East Coast, never even thinking of my husband again.

It was after college, when he moved to Boston for a job and we "re-met," that we fell in love. Our beginning was tumultuous and not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. Both of us were in bad, dead-end relationships that we had to break up. Both splits were ugly.

"Soul mate" doesn't mean "seamless." But it does mean "meant to be."

In the nearly 14 years he and I have been together, I have never doubted for a second that we were destined to be together. I tell people we got together when I was 23, but I was his since birth. I believe it. Is it silly? Yes. Frivolous? Probably.

But I believe it.

As a mom, I know I will someday have three children who are looking for love. When they come to me and ask me about it, I'll tell them this: Don't settle. Don't ever stop looking until it's butterflies and passion and you feel like this person was made for you. Don't stop looking until you feel like you've found your one.

When I met my husband, he was everything I loved -- hilarious, down-to-earth, passionate about his work, smart, well-read, not snobby. It was a perfect match.

Could I have been with someone else and still made it work? Probably. But when I walk into the house from a long day and he is on the couch, ready to listen and hold me, or when he makes me laugh so hard I get the hiccups, I know I am with my one and only. Sure, I could make it work with another, but why would I ever want to?

Don't settle, kids. Your real love is out there.

Do you believe in soul mates?


Image via THOR/Flickr

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