Sex After Baby Was Nothing Like I'd Imagined

sex after baby

When my husband and I were first together, about half our lives revolved around sex. We were always in the mood, tearing each other's clothing off every chance we got. It was so much fun and, I suppose, a large portion of the reason we now share three children.

There are consequences to all that fun.

Sometimes I get nostalgic for that time. I remember us at 25. Or even at 23. We'd just moved in together for the first time. Our first grown-up apartment. We spent days in it where we didn't leave the house. We'd call them "naked days," ordering in food, watching movies, and having sex over and over.

We don't do that anymore.


Babies change everything. Our sex life looks nothing like it did 11 years ago when we were newlyweds and the only thing we thought about on the weekend was whether we want to go out to brunch or sleep in.

Instead, sex fits into the pockets of time we find without children (thank God for Star Wars!), a hurried rush to get naked and fit everything in between the opening credits and their first fight over the remote.

Even so, it's better.

It may seem counter-intuitive. But it's a fact.

It wasn't always so.

I don't think I ever felt less attractive in my life than the first time I stood completely nude in front of a full-length mirror after my oldest child was born. Outside the dressing room, a stranger was bouncing my 10-day-old baby girl while I was wrestling my 35Z breasts into bras that looked better equipped to smuggle coconuts.

I couldn't imagine then how my husband would ever find me attractive again. What's more, I had zero desire myself.

I believed in that moment that everything people said about post-baby bodies being "ruined" and sex lives dwindling to nothing were going to be true.

How wrong I was.

Though it seemed impossible to believe then, the weight did come off. I started to look at my husband with new eyes -- the way he held our infant daughter so confidently, playing with her and cuddling with her. I saw the way he rushed home after work, eager to have any extra moment he could get. We had become a family of three and that transition was oddly arousing. Being a good dad is hot, people.

When my midwife gave the green light to sex at six weeks, we were slow and fumbling like two teenagers losing their virginity. It was awkward and strange.

"That's the way it goes," my few friends who'd had babies assured me. "It gets better."

It did. And then it REALLY did. The truth is, the sex we had after baby number one was probably some of the best in my life. It was intimate and loving. We'd been through so much together as a couple after the pregnancy and birth. He'd seen me at my most feral and loved me through it.

Nothing could have been hotter.

Our daughter is now coming up on 8. We've since had two more children (what can I say? The sex is great!), and each time, it's been a different experience easing back into intimacy. The second time was easy. No issues. The third time, I was the one dying for sex just hours after the birth. I'm sure if we go for four, we'll find some way to have another totally new way back in.

I'm used to it by now.

We aren't 22 anymore. Our sex life has grown up accordingly. We can now do in a half hour what it once took us all day to do. 

We can still get the occasional naked day in when we take a weekend away, and that has to be enough to sustain us all year. Somehow, amid the chaos and demands on our time, it really has become better than ever.

How did sex change for you after baby?


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