My Husband Telling Me I’m Beautiful Didn’t Matter As Much As It Does Now

only husband beautiful

In the early days of my marriage, I can fully admit I was one super scattered wife. At just 25, I was still in the "look at me" phase of youth when I wanted every man to notice me and think I was attractive.

My husband would often tell me (and to be honest, still tells me), "You care about everyone's opinion but mine."

At one point, that was probably true. After all, he HAS to think I am attractive. He's stuck with me. Somehow the eyes of others felt more discerning, more important.

I told myself back then that my husband had low standards for beauty (he doesn't), which was really a way of insulting myself. If he thinks I am the hottest woman out there, he must be wrong, right?

I know I'm not alone. I've heard countless women discount their spouse's opinion that way, and it's sad. Because now, after growing up a bit and becoming a mom three times over, I've realized the truth: ONLY his opinion matters.

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The fact that my husband finds me attractive in sweatpants, a day-old ponytail, and no makeup doesn't mean he has low standards at all. It means he loves me.

How could I have been so blind before?

For a long, long time, I believed "beauty" was something achieved by hoisting my breasts into bustier tops and elongating my legs with five-inch heels while putting on the perfect amount of makeup to appear both natural and effortless. It was a lot of work.

I measured my attractiveness by the number of times I had to tell guys, "sorry, I'm married" or the number of men who asked for my number. It was shallow, to be sure. And I went home feeling hollow.

On some level, I knew. But I never could have vocalized it.

I told myself then that all the primping was for my husband. And it was. But it was also for everyone else.

Being young means not having all the pieces of the puzzle. It means seeing some of the parts but not understanding the whole. As we grow, we get more and more of the pieces and can add to our insights about life. I realize now, in my mid-30s, that I am young by many standards, but I also know a lot more than I did at 25.

I know now that being "beautiful" is more than just those superficial things we do to look good. And while my husband still loves when I dress up and wear low-cut tops, he's just as happy when I'm in sweats and he can reach over and grab me. Finally, I get it.

It used to feel like there had to be work involved to make it worthy, but now I realize it doesn't have to be hard. It can be deceptively simple.

My husband tells me he wanted to marry a woman he knew he would find as attractive when she wakes up in the morning as he does when she goes to bed at night.

Twenty-five-year-old me heard: "I have low standards."

Thirty-seven-year-old me hears: "You are always beautiful to me."

How depressing is it that I missed that for so long and how wonderful is it that I hear it now?

When I look in the mirror, I see lines on my face and bags under my eyes that weren't there when I was 25. I see hair that is cut and dyed well (I make time for that!) but often hastily pulled back or messy. I see clothing that serves a purpose instead of looking "hot."

That's what I see.

But what I hear? Is my husband. What I feel? Are his hugs and affection. I don't look as good as I did 12 years ago in some ways, but I feel 100 times better. Because I am finally listening to the only voice that really matters.

How does your husband make you feel beautiful?

 

Image © iStock.com/kupicoo

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