Women Who Think Men Love Them at Any Size Are Just Kidding Themselves​

weight loveThere's a popular myth out there, perpetuated by many women -- including the latest by Jessica Simpson -- that husbands "love us at any size." It's true. They do.

Simpson recently said about her husband Eric Johnson that "he has seen me at every size and he loves me no matter what." Sweet words, right?

But love is something you give a puppy, a child, a close friend, even a brother or a sister. LOVE in marriage is all tied up with those emotions, PLUS a kick of lust to keep it interesting. So does he lust after you at any size?

I don't know.

Okay, okay, before you all pelt my head with tomatoes, I'll say this: LOVE is one thing. Yes, we love our spouses. Terribly, passionately, insanely. I would die without my husband and can scarcely sleep without him by my side. That would be true whether he were 200 pounds or 500 pounds.

But would I lust after him at the much heavier weight?


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Would I want to climb on top of him and rip his clothing off the way I do now? Probably not. Why? Because that is not what attracts me. Period. So how could I possibly blame him for feeling the same way about me?

My husband HAS seen me at a variety of different weights and sizes. When we got married, I was still working off the 35 pounds I'd gained in college, so that 25-year-old girl he wed may have been HIS idea of attractive -- I was much curvier then -- but it wasn't mine. I ran and worked out until I was a size 2 with washboard abs and a 25-inch waist.

I was happy. But my husband kept saying, "You ran your boobs off." Can't win, right?

I stayed thin and he loved me still. But he fully admitted he had been more attracted to me when I was heavier.

Fast forward a couple years and I was in the last month or so of my pregnancy. I thought I looked like a beached whale and was horrified by every inch of my swollen, disgusting body. My husband, on the other hand? LOVED it. My gargantuan breasts REALLY did it for him.

"Honey, do you love me at any size?" I asked him.

"Yes. But I think I like THIS size best," he said. He was joking, but he was also serious. He, like me, has a preference. It doesn't mean he would stop loving me if I went back to super thin again, but it does mean he likes me better a little curvier.

On some level, this is true for all of us, and marriages are not just built on the lofty ideal of love. If we imagine love like a pot of water, the early stages are like the boil. Once you bring that boil down to a simmer, the lust is what keeps the fire going.

The love is like the gas, always there, but the lust is the flame. The two need to work together to keep that simmer.

It's not to say that your spouse can't lust after you at any size. That would be terrible given that marriage is a long haul and we'd hope our spouses can still find that spark for our 85-year-old bodies when we get there. But let's stop with the platitudes, shall we? His highest level of LUST is going to be stoked by the 30-year-old hottie more than us. 

It's a fallacy to say "he loves me at any size" and leave it at that. There is so much more to it and to vilify men or women who have a preference just seems wrong. By all means, let's cater to our own personal needs and aesthetic, but the fact is, most men and women are most turned on by the body they chose in the first place. How you looked at the age you started dating? Is probably what does it for him. Period.

It doesn't mean he can't love you whether you gain or lose. But it's not exactly the same. We can't help what stokes our desire. It is inside of us like anything else. We don't do ourselves any favors by revering only "love at any size" without discussing the fact that we all have preferences.

When my husband laments his love handles or I try to show off my cleavage, we do it because we know what the other one likes. We don't always have to shape ourselves into that ideal, but we ought to know it and at least acknowledge it.

My husband loves me at any size, yes. But lust? I know exactly what I look like when that flame is at its highest.

Does your husband have a preference? Do you?

Image © iStock.com/PhotoTalk

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