11 Signs You're a 'Relationship Flogger'

Are you a "relationship flogger"? No, that's not something from Fifty Shades of Grey. It's when you keep flogging a relationship, trying to whip it into the kind of shape you want it, even though it clearly isn't happening. But rather than accept the relationship as it is, or reassess realistically, or leave, you just keep flogging away, hoping that yet another talk, discussion, threat, or ultimatum will make it what you want it. Natalie Lue's book Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl has the signs to look out for. Here are 11 signs you're a major relationship flogger.


1. Relationships are work! You believe that true love means putting up with everything, through thick and thin. If you're not working harder than a gravel layer on a sweltering hot day, then you don't think you're really in love.

2. You want to recoup your "investment." You like to do the math on a relationship, i.e., you put in however many weeks/months/years, and therefore you are entitled to get something back for it.

3. You are constantly "talking" about the relationship. You have verbal diarrhea and believe the relationship you want hasn't materialized yet because you just haven't verbalized what you need in the exact way it needs to be said yet. But you'll keep trying!

4. "Titles." You are very hung up on having a "title" and think that all your problems will be over as soon as he calls you his "girlfriend," his "wife," his "one and only," or however you long to be introduced. As soon as that relationship status changes on Facebook, it will be smooth sailing!

5. Can't admit defeat. The idea that this guy might not be the right one terrifies you so you do whatever you can to avoid having to admit defeat.

6. Your vision. You have a "vision" of how the relationship should be and you concentrate on that rather than paying too much attention to how the relationship really is.

7. Reality vs. fantasy. The reality of the relationship keeps clashing with your fantasy version and it doesn't make you happy at all.

8. You're the exception! Your idea of love involves a guy making you the "exception" to the rule, i.e., you might the only woman he's ever been faithful to, called his girlfriend, or treated decently. Don't ever bank on being the "exception"!

9. TMI. Your friends know every mood, thought, feeling, and microscopic change in your relationship. He does too!

10. Guilting. You find yourself saying things like, "I gave you the best years of my life"; "you took up five years of my life so you owe me XYZ."

11. Defining. You are constantly trying to get him to "define" the relationship, and he doesn't want to. News flash: A guy who feels like you are his girlfriend says so and it doesn't have to be pulled out of him by brute force.

Are you a "relationship flogger"?


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