I 'Cheat' on My Wife by Lying About How I'm Spending My Time

I can't go on living this lie. I cheat on my wife. Every single day.

All she wants to do when she finishes a hard slog at work is kick off her heels and watch her favorite shows with me. And so do I. But I've already seen them. So I have to pretend that I haven't.

You see, while my wife is out supporting my ass, I'm home all day. (Our daughter attends daycare three days a week.) Pretending that all this great TV is not waiting there on the DVR and Netflix works for a while. But there's only so much pretend job-hunting, pretend cleaning, and real Facebooking a man can do on an average (non) workday.


And so, I feign shock at every plot twist in True Detective and every crisis that Hannah Horvath manufactures for herself on Girls. (Sometimes, I'll even predict what happens next. But a third of my guesses will be wrong, so I can evade suspicion and yet still appear brilliant.)

I'm not proud of any of this.

And now House of Cards is back and, like every Netflix original series, there all at once. Thirteen enticing episodes just sitting there, like 13 slices of delicious pizza in the fridge. What am I supposed to do, starve myself?

So yes, I'm already halfway through season 2 on my own, while my wife and I have only just seen the first new episode together.

I can't even look her in the face. Adding insult to injury? She pays the cable bill.

What do you lie to your significant other about?

Image via DaGoaty/Flickr

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