Since I got married when I was basically a fetus (19), then spent the entirety of my 20s being someone’s wife, I’m a little rusty on the dating thing. Not to mention that dating at 18 is a little bit different than dating at 31 with two kids.
So yeah, I have baggage now, but you know what I don’t have? Teenage angst. I’m older and wiser, as evidenced by the wrinkle between my eyes that’s begging for Botox, but that’s another story for another time. Anyway, dating when I was a moody teen was not fun, and this time I’m determined to not take myself too seriously, and just enjoy meeting new people.
Who knows? Maybe I’ll even meet one worth keeping around.
Here are 5 things I’m determined not to do while dating after divorce.
Obsess: Sometimes people don’t click, or the timing just isn’t right, or any number of things that can end a relationship before it begins, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t need to analyze every detail of every conversation, re-read every text, and question all the motives all the times. Geez, I don’t have time for that anyway.
Pity myself: Wallowing is no fun -- for you or the people around you. It’s ok to be sad about something without feeling sorry for yourself. Besides, self-pitying leads to entitlement, and I am not a fan of entitled brats.
Wait by the phone: I mostly mean this one figuratively, since my iPhone is basically superglued to my hand. But I want to fill up my time when the kids are with their dad with lots of fun stuff, and not keep everything open in the off chance a crush will be free to hang out. Life is what you make it -- don’t wait for someone else to make it for you.
Feel guilty for not being interested: There are lots of other female fish in the sea, and it’s not really fair of me anyway to waste their time if I don’t feel like anything’s there. They’re big boys, they’ll be just fine if I need to say, “I’m flattered … but no.”
Forget to swoon a little: This is the upside, right? Clicking with someone for the first time, with all the shiny newness and magical sparklies that come from not knowing about all the skeletons in his closet. And he doesn’t know yours either. It could end up being a fling or the real thing, but it doesn’t matter because just for a moment, there are worlds of possibilities for the two of you.
What did you do differently dating after divorce?
Image via Sergey Sus/Flickr