If I had a dollar for every time I heard from a dating woman that they could not date such and such man because of XYZ, I would be a rich, rich woman. Admittedly, sometimes there are things that are just deal-breakers, end of story. But sometimes we ladies are too hard on men just because they have some pieces that have yet to fall into place in life. Yes, Virginia, people can change.
For instance, an unemployed man, given the right circumstances, may soon be employed and in great shape and if you rejected him because "no job, yuck" you could have missed a great opportunity.
So which things ARE changeable and which ones are not? You may have heard never date a man you want to change and that is true. But these five things can -- and will -- change for the right woman. Here they are:
- He smokes: Not every man who smokes is looking to quit, but it IS a habit and it CAN be broken. First see how willing he is to change it.
- He has no job: How long has he been unemployed? Was he laid off and looking? Is he an artist who is doing something he is passionate about on the side? I knew a woman who married a man who was working as a waiter but trying to be a writer. She regretted that and felt awful, almost even divorcing him over his lack of ambition. Until one day he sold a script in Hollywood. Now he is a major producer and does not have to wait tables any more. Had she had more faith, she would have spared herself a lot of misery.
- He lives at home: For me, this was a biggie. I dated a guy briefly who lived at home when I was 22. At the time this seemed like a big deal, though now it seems a little silly. We were 22! But I digress. I told him how much it bothered me and he found his own apartment. We didn't last, but he was absolutely willing to change that and I am sure he's not the only one.
- His eating habits: Now, maybe you don't want to be with a man long term who is sanctimonious about food (I once dated a man who refused all "commercial foods") or who eats junk like it's going out of style. A foodie may never be turned into a junk lover, but you can take a man who lives on boxed mac and cheese and get him interested in real food. It's totally possible!
- His style: Now, obviously this does not go for a man who has philosophical reasons for dressing like a schlub. But for the guy who is just clueless, it is very easy to help him get a new sense of style if he is open to it. This should not be a deal-breaker.
Do you think it is wrong to try to "change" a person?
Image via Matt Brown /Flickr