These Are the States Boasting the Biggest Penises: Is Yours on the List?

Ah, the great penis size debate. Whether you think length matters or not, men are always going to have their own goods -- and, apparently, those belonging to every other man in the country -- on the brain. One condom company decided to take this issue more seriously by tracking the number of people in each state who purchased their small, large, and elephantine-sized condoms (I made that up, I have no clue what they call condoms made for absurdly well-endowed men). The results are ... odd. And totally unpredictable. 

But just in case you're in the process of looking to relocate, you may want to keep this list in mind. Here are the top 10 states where men with the biggest penises reside.


Before you get all excited because your state made it to the top 10, keep in mind: men in the U.S. still rank way at the bottom when it comes to global penis sizes. The average penis length in our country is 5.1 inches -- 1.1 inches shorter than those found in Italy -- and those folks can spend just $5 on a bottle of wine that doesn't give them a wicked hangover headache. Not fair. Since this little experiment doesn't provide details about actual size, for all we know, the top state could be the one where men are fortunate enough to simply fit in a condom. 

Anyhoo -- here are the top 10 states for penis size: 

1. North Dakota
2. Rhode Island
3. South Dakota
4. Washington, D.C.
5. Massachusetts
6. Ohio
7. Arizona
8. Alabama
9. New York
10. South Carolina

Talk about being all over the map! There seems to be no rhyme or reason behind the results of this survey, aside from the fact that people in both Dakotas are obviously feeding their male children magic penis growth beans. Isn't it weird how five of the states are situated on the East Coast and how not one state on the West Coast is represented? 

Here's how the rest of the states ranked:

11. Colorado
12. Maryland
13: Wisconsin
14. New Jersey
15. California
16. Florida
17: Connecticut
18. Virginia
19. Oregon
20. Pennsylvania
21. Washington
22. Tennessee
23. New Mexico
24. Georgia
25. Iowa
26. Illinois
27. Louisiana
28. Vermont
29. Utah
30. Maine
31. Nebraska
32. Idaho
33. Kansas
34. Delaware
35. Michigan
36. Nevada
37. New Hampshire
38. Oklahoma
39. Montana
40. Minnesota
41. Kentucky
42. Texas
43. Indiana
44. West Virginia
45. Missouri
46. Alaska 
47. North Carolina
48. Wyoming
49. Arkansas
50. Hawaii
51. Mississippi

All kidding aside, most women would find it totally appalling if a list of places with the biggest breasts was compiled. Oh, never mind, of course that already exists.

Honestly though, do women really care that much about penis size? I admit you need for it to be ... present and ready for active duty. But come on, anything bigger than 7 inches is a liability. Right? Um ... Right? 

What do you think about the results of this survey? 

Image via trec-lit/Flickr 

Read More >