10 Perfectly Valid Reasons to Call 911 on Your One-Night Stand

A man called 911 on his one-night stand. Talk about rude! Apparently the lady in question was snoring too loudly for his tastes -- "like a train" in his words -- so he drunk-dialed (was there any other way?) emergency services to get them to deal with the situation. Because that's what 911 is there for, right? Here are 10 other perfectly valid reasons you should call 911 on your one-night stand.*


1. He insists on sleeping on your side of the bed.

2. He wants to spoon.

3. He forgot condoms.

4. You realize he's got a "micropenis."

5. You just saw him in your bright kitchen lights.

More From The Stir: Don't Call 911 for Cigarettes or Any of These 5 Really Stupid Reasons

6. He goes into your fridge without permission.

7. He farts.

8. He asks if you can cook him breakfast.

9. He refuses to just leave in the morning and wants to take you to brunch.

10. He says he loves you and has nowhere to live.

Have you ever wanted to call 911 on a one-night stand?

* This is satire. Humor. I'm joking!!! Do NOT -- I repeat, do NOT -- call 911 for any of the above reasons.


Image via Dirk Rees/Corbis

Read More >