We're Different People Than When We Got Married but That's Okay

changing in marriageWhen my husband and I were engaged almost 12 years ago, we were just kids in our early 20's. We were madly in love with one another, but had no more a sense of "forever" than anyone does when they are barely out of their teenage years. We were kind of silly and frivolous and crazy.

It is 10 years later and we have had two children, bought sold property, made a major move together, moved up in our careers and generally become far more grown up than we were back then. Both of us have changed and matured and become cooler about some things and far LESS cool about others.

We are also much, much more bonded and closer than we have ever been. Our marriage is rock solid and even though we have grown, we have always made sure we did it together. So what's the big deal?


Somehow, it seems, this idea of "becoming different people" after marriage has become a warning sign of divorce. As if somehow growing and changing is a BAD thing and it must always be apart. I can't imagine knowing a person who is exactly the same at 35 as they were at 25, but so what? Part of the beauty of life is the way we evolve and grow over the years.

The point of marriage is not always to be on the same page or even to always adore one another. It is to respect each other enough to talk it out when you need to, try to grow together, and make an effort to talk about changes as they come so the relationship can accommodate them.

As a pregnant woman right now, my emotions and thoughts run the gamut and I am not being entirely myself. My incredibly patient and loving husband is there by my side even as I change. That's marriage. He's probably cursing that whole "for better or worse" part right about now. Muhahahah.

But I digress. The truth is, life is about shifting and opening our minds and allowing new thoughts to rise to the surface. It is about maturing and learning until we are 105. Marriage, meanwhile, is about adjusting to those changes and loving one another.

So when someone asks me if I am a different person than the one my husband married my answer is simple: Yes. And so is he. And I would not have it any other way.

Are you a different person than when you got married?



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