8 Reasons Being Married a Long Time Beats Being a Newlywed

long term loveWe all know the beauty and preciousness of the "newlywed phase." It's that amazing time in which marriage is new and precious and exciting. There are no kids to weigh you down and, if you are lucky, plenty of money to spend on dinners out, trips, and good times. It's a heady time, to be sure, and it's its own special memory. But now, on this side? Ten years after I walked down the aisle? I can't see why anyone would prefer that phase to this one.

The way I loved my husband when we were newlyweds was nothing compared to how I feel about him now. Together, we have gone through the loss of four beloved grandparents, his mother, and countless other disappointments. We have survived a massive move, bought and sold real estate, and dealt with sick relatives and some other ridiculous life dramas and we have come out of it stronger, healthier, and better than ever.

So, yeah. Give me long-term love any day. Here are 8 reasons long term love beats the newlywed phase hands down:

Do you think long-term is better than "newlywed"?


  • He knows how to listen


    Once you have a few years under your belt, your husband becomes a much, much better listener.

  • Sex improves


    Oh I know they say it doesn't, but the reality is, after a few years, you get a few tricks up your sleeve. Our sex has always been good, but it's off the charts now.

  • Life happens


    In a long-term marriage or relationship, you have trauma and joy -- parental death, children being born, children being sick. By going through these things together, you forge a bond that is NOTHING like the one you had one year in when all was sweet and new.

  • Things are funnier


    In my first couple years of marriage, there were a lot of expectations. When I threw a dinner party, it had to be PERFECT! I was married and expected to live up to a certain standard. After a decade, I no longer have those expectations. We laugh a lot more about the ridiculousness of life.

  • There is an unspoken understanding


    You can sit there, not talking, for hours. You can read a book together. When I was a newlywed, I always felt like I had to be DOING something. No more. Now we can just cuddle up and each get lost in our own books. It's lovely.

  • You learn new talents


    I didn't know my husband (a scientist and engineer) could decorate a beautiful cake. Guess what? He can! I only learned this AFTER a few years of marriage. There is always something new to learn about each other.

  • Less anxiety


    When I was a newlywed, I was so concerned about the future. Would it work? Would we be happy? Would we be one of the 50 percent? Would we have trouble conceiving? Now, things are smoother. Life throws us curve-balls and we go with them. It's all OK.

  • Trust


    The trust you have for your spouse after a decade together is unsurpassed by anything else in the world. I would trust him with my most important possession in the world (and I do -- my children) every day. He is my soul mate. I knew that one year in, but I KNOW it now. It's just different. And it's so much better.

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