Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?

While you’re getting intimate with your husband or partner, do you fantasize about somebody else?

Maybe you’re trying to get those pesky little to-do lists out of your head. Maybe you’re trying to keep yourself awake after yet another 16-hour day.

Or maybe you’re just a little bored. After all, it isn’t easy to keep things spicy after you’ve been together for a while, and what better way to get yourself through a sexual rut than to think about Ian Somerhalder kissing and caressing you?

Do you consider that cheating?


I don't think so. I think that a little fantasy, even when you’re in the middle of sex with your partner, is healthy. Sometimes you just need a little added oomph. And if thinking about someone else helps turn you on, go for it.

Especially if the fantasizing is only an occasional occurrence

The frequency would be the defining factor for me. If you need to think about, let's say, Channing Tatum every time you're with your in-the-flesh partner, it may be time to start thinking about why. If you're constantly comparing your partner to some imaginary person, you're going to get into some trouble in your relationship.

I know that, in the past, when I was in a relationship that was rocky, I turned to fantasies more frequently. It was a way to stave off intimacy with the person I was in bed with, yet still have that sexual experience I wanted.

These days, now that I'm happily married, I am more likely to fantasize about somebody other than my husband when I'm alone. It just feels right to invite someone else in to my virtual bed when he isn't occupying our real bed.

And I'm okay if my husband does the same. As long as the majority of the time we're together, we're focused on each other.

Would you care if your partner fantasized about another woman while you two were being intimate?


Image via Dyanna Hyde/Flickr

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