The popularity of Fifty Shades of Grey has meant that a lot of women are finally getting into the BDSM lifestyle, or at least introducing a bit of into the bedroom. Author and professional dominatrix Kimi Inch, aka Ms. Nina Payne, has a new eBook, Kisses to Kink: A Dominatrix's Guide to Great Sex, which explains how to bring a little spank and flog into your home dungeon. Here, Kimi gives us the lowdown on how to spice up your bedroom routine, 50 Shades-style.
What is the difference between S&M, BDSM, and "kink," which is what you call your brand of bedroom fun?
Nina: S&M specifically stands for sadomasochism which is super specific and only includes activities that may cause pain: spanking, flogging, and any impact play. Kink or BDSM encompasses any sexual activity that is considered unconventional. This includes everything from dirty talk, to spanking, to bondage, and even role playing.
What can women who are not familiar with S&M or kink first do to ease into it?
Nina: It's very important to educate yourself first and to do some research before slapping on the handcuffs. There are many activities that require special attention and couples need to learn the importance of safety and communication before moving forward. Just remember, there are many levels of kink, so start light and don't feel like you have to break out any whips or chains! The best way to ease into it is to forget about using any toys and just start with the sexiest toy you already have: your brain. Next time you are getting intimate with your partner, try whispering some kinky fantasies into his ears. For example, talk about how excited you would be if you could take turns tying each other up. If you want to make the dirty talk more intense, try pinning each other's hands down while you talk. Or if spanking has sparked your interest, whisper this into your partner's ears and see if he will give you a playful, light spank in response.
Why do you think this kind of play is important in a marriage/committed relationship?
Nina: Routine can be the death to any great sex life. Kink offers an exciting opportunity for couples to break out of their sexual routines by opening them up to new fantasies and desires that can help deepen their intimacy together and open them up to greater sexual expression. One thing is for sure, kinky people are least of all boring!
What would be the 3-5 tools or toys you would recommend all women have in the bedroom?
Nina: 1. High-quality silk scarves. A perfect and versatile tool that can be used for: blindfolds, restraints, gags, and even used to stimulate the senses in sensation play.
2. Vibrators. Not just for the ladies any more. A vibrator can be used to stimulate both the man and woman sexually, or can be used to tease each others sensitive parts.
3. Candles. Sounds simple, but creating the mood is so important. You want to create a space where sensuality can exist, so don't forget the candles. For the more daring, buy candles that melt into body oil and give your partner a surprise erotic massage after you drip the hot oil on his naked body.
4. Lube. Always better to have it and not need it, than to need it and not have it.
5. Sense of Humor. Don't take sex so seriously, kink is all about playing and having fun and that should be your #1 objective.
What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey?
Nina: I appreciate that Fifty Shades has opened many women and couples up to exploring their kinkier sides. However, I am concerned that this book, along with many other depictions of kink in the media, portray the participants as limited to emotionally scarred and unstable people. In my experience, people involved in kink are very comfortable with themselves, great communicators, playful, and above all, always respectful.
Do you practice kink? Will you?
Image via Amazon