Women Should Stop Pretending Size Doesn't Matter After Study Finds They've Been Lying

Finally, a study we can all get behind! Researchers have concluded that women are more attracted to tall men with large penises. Yes, bizarrely we needed a study to verify that women tend to drool like bulldogs around the Jon Hamm/David Beckham type. It might seem like the most Duh study of all time, but apparently if you ask women directly what they prefer penis-wise, they'll give wishy-washy answers like, Ohhhh ... I don't think about stuff like that ... size doesn't matter ... wah wah wah.

But this time, women weren't TOLD the study was about penis size. They were just asked to rate their attraction level to various computer-generated male bodies that ranged in height and penis length. And SHOCKER, the women liked the tall well-hung men the best. Because you always knew that "size doesn't matter" thing was a massive fraud dreamed up by men and perpetuated by gullible females who didn't want to crush the fragile male ego.


In the study, women were shown various images of naked men and asked to rate their sexual attractiveness. Researchers found that tall men with big schlongs rated the highest. Previous studies had been inconclusive because women apparently get shy when asked about men's penis size.

"Since penis size is a sensitive subject, it's hard to determine whether females lied or 'self-deceived' in their responses," said the study's lead researcher. (Dude, how do I get this job?)

I've always wondered where this whole "size doesn't matter" thing comes from. It's not what women say in the privacy of their drunken girls'-night-out talks.

I'm not saying size is all that matters. A guy with an enormous Speedo rocket can still be ho-hum in bed while a guy with a barely-there boxers' buddy could be Casanova in the sack. Maybe that's where this whole "size doesn't matter" thing originated -- because women were trying to get it through guys' thick skulls that banging away with his gargantuan peniiiiice isn't all that it takes to please a gal.

But I can't help thinking that it's also some sort of male-led conspiracy to get women to want guys whose beefsticks are way more stick than beef. And women don't want their men to be insecure, so they perpetuate the myth. (Nothing worse than an insecure dude in bed.)

At any rate, men must be catching on that size does matter, because penis enlargement surgery is on the rise. (So to speak.) That said, I don't think most women are going to choose a relationship with a big-dicked asswipe over a hardly hung awesome guy. Unless that relationship is only going to last a night.

Does size matter to you?


Image via UltraKMI/Flickr

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