Date Night Then & Now -- As in Before & After Kids

Just yesterday I was analyzing the not so subtle differences between date night before kids and date night after, when it dawned on me that I spend most should be "date nights" with my children anyway.

Yep, my Saturday nights are more Carnival than candlelit, more pizza than pizzazz, more cartoons than concerts. Have you ditched ambiance for arcades? If the Then vs. Now below sounds familiar -- the answer is a resounding yes:

  • Then - Though unlikely, you may have accidentally spilled a couple drops of champagne on your dress and worried it would leave a ring.
  • Now - You will most likely end up with at least a couple drops of ice cream, smoothie, spit-up, sippy cup contents, condiments, or snot on your jeans and you'll wonder why you didn't just leave on your sweatpants.
  • Then - You had a good chance of going somewhere fancy where the food has been aged and that's a good thing (though you may have only ordered the salad and regretted it).
  • Now - You have a good chance of going somewhere that may have a drive-through option where through is spelled "thru" and you will ultimately not get a salad and regret it.
  • Then - Your restaurant may have had an area where wine bottles sat in neat rows waiting to be uncorked.
  • Now - It's likely that the only things that sit in neat rows are the highchairs and the only things being uncorked are kids with pacifiers.
  • Then - You took time to get ready and look amazing for your night out, it was the least you could do.
  • Now - To get out the door, you do the least you can do.
  • Then - You made special trips to the bathroom to apply lipstick, check your makeup, and clean any stray food from your teeth.
  • Now - You make many more trips to the bathroom, to apply a liner of paper to toilet seats, check that your lying kids actually washed their hands, and help little ones clean poop from their butts.
  • Then - If you caught a flick, it would've been about the romance you still believed possible. You know one where the guy does amazing feats to get the girl? Preferably starring Julia Roberts, Sandra Bullock, or Reese Witherspoon.
  • Now - If you catch a flick where the actors aren't hand drawn or the story isn't converted from a comic book you consider yourself lucky.
  • Then - Leftovers may be given to you in the form of a foil swan.
  • Now - What leftovers? They will be eaten by you, as you've convinced yourself picking fries and mac 'n' cheese off your kids' plates doesn't really count as calories.
  • Then - You ordered things you could barely pronounce and you felt silly.
  • Now - You're kids order things they can barely pronounce and you think it's adorably silly. (See pasgetti.)
  • Then - You may have been surprised with tickets to a show that involved adults singing and you were thrilled to leave with the soundtrack.
  • Now - You plan for months to go to a show where adults are wearing big felt covered heads and the last thing you want to leave with is the soundtrack.
  • Then - You could put money on the fact that you wouldn't hear someone burp or fart during your Saturday night out.
  • Now - Eh, not such a sound bet. And what's scarier is, it's possibly you.
  • Then - Other than food poisoning little could stop you from a raucous roll in the hay at the end of the night.
  • Now - One or both of you may claim food poisoning to get out of doing the deed.

More from The Stir: 7 Sexy Things I Do More of Since Having Kids

Have your Saturday nights taken a turn, or is it just me?

Images via PortoBayTrade and Caitlinator/Flickr

Read More >