Being married is sometimes a mixed bag. For most of us, the "honeymoon" phase ended about 10 years ago and we are left with this amazing comfort zone where we can share anything in the world, laugh at all the same jokes, and know everything that turns the other on, but the heady romance is dead.
When I first met my husband, we spent the entire first year either having sex or fighting. It was passionate, it was hot, and it was romantic. Neither of us took our eyes off the other for more than five minutes and then it was just to go to work. We adored one another.
Things change. After 12 years, two kids, four moves, and a whole lot of life in between, we still adore each other, but it's ... different. And it seems we aren't alone. A lot of moms on CafeMom said similar things are happening in their marriages. But it doesn't have to be that way. I have found 7 ways to up the romance factor in your old marriage every single day. Here they are:
- Ask for it: You will never get what you want if you don't ask for it. So say it. Don't expect him to read your mind. Say these words: "We need more romance." Then follow through and tell him what you need. The whole "I don't want it if I have to ask for it" thing is so outdated and only harms yourself. So woman up and say what you need.
- Be more romantic yourself: If you used to have sex with candles and music, but have now been relegated to quickies with your socks on, never fear! Just do it yourself. He should get the message. I have found with my husband, he does for me the things I do for him.
- Make him miss you: Get your own life. Don't cook his meals as much. Pull away a bit. Shut the door when you pee. Add some mystery back and make him remember courting you.
- Hire a sitter: Romance doesn't happen when you are with your kids all the time. Sorry. It just doesn't. So suck it up, hire a sitter, and throw some money at the problem. In addition, a friend suggested getting ready separately. To me, this sounds perfect. This way you get the element of surprise, and wow, I am so lucky to be married to this hottie!
- Define romance: What does romance even mean to you? Is it long walks in the park? Bubble baths? Or just him doing the dishes once in a while? Figure out what you need and then convey that clearly. For me, flowers and gifts don't cut it. I need attention, compliments, and to feel like he wants to be with me. Guys get confused, so spell it out.
- Reflect back: Once in a while look at old photos together, hold hands, and talk about how things used to be. People are different and need different things. Personally, I need to reminded of the hot early days while my husband FAR prefers the comfort and sweetness we have now. Make them intersect.
- Spice yourself up: No woman wants to think she let herself go. But do you look like you did at 25 when you married? OK, so no. But do you at least put in some effort? I know it isn't the 1950s, but PJs, sweatpants, and curlers don't inspire romance. Dress up once in a while. Shake it. Show him you are still hot.
What do you do to get your man more romantic with you?