Sex Confession: I Don't Know How to Be Monogamous

wedding ring hand"Sex Confessions" is a series featuring your naughtiest bedroom secrets and fantasies. Some will sound familiar, others may give you ideas, some will turn you on, and some are dark and twisted. You might want to sit down for this.

For many people, getting married means you are committed to one person forevermore (generally) and that usually means your body is off-limits to others. But for 35-year-old, mom of two, Susan* that isn't exactly the case. To fully understand the fact that Susan doesn't know how to be monogamous, we must also understand that she never was. She and her husband Frank* had an open relationship before they got married. They were together, but allowed the other to be with other people. It worked for them though they had a no questions asked policy. They didn't decide to be monogamous until they learned Susan was pregnant and they got married. Now she's missing those open relationship days. I'll let Susan explain. 


When Frank and I first got together, we were seeing other people. Then we became serious with each other -- we fell in love -- but we decided together to still see other people if the urge was there. It wasn't like there was constantly another person -- for me at least. One year I had only kissed two other people besides Frank. These dalliances aren't always sexual. But there have been times that they were. This was the lifestyle we had and both agreed to. We didn't tell the other the details, but I felt I knew whenever Frank had a fling. It was never an issue between us. Then I got pregnant.

We decided to get married and marriage for us meant monogamy. We at least wanted to give it a try and we did for five years. Now I want to go back to our former life, but I don't think Frank wants to. In the years we've been monogamous, he's said on many occasions how he loves it, how he feels even closer to me. I felt closer to him too but I thought it was because we had children.

I feel like our sex life was better when the "doors were open" -- when we gave each other permission to be with others. Now I feel that stuck feeling and I hate it because I know it's so stereotypical but it's just that we were used to a certain way of being and we made some changes due to the circumstances but now I feel we are ready to go back to how it was. Monogamy just isn't working for me. I just fear even mentioning it will devastate him and ruin us. And that's not what I want at all. But I'm unhappy as we are.

What do you think of Susan's confession? Do you think she should talk to Frank? Do you think it's possible to be in an open relationship when you are married with kids?


*Names have been changed.

Image via Caitlinator/Flickr

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