How to Politely Turn Down a Threesome

threesomeThere are some situations where it's easy to say no. Like, "Do you want to eat this slug that was just slimeing itself all over a piece of poop?" No, thanks. Or, "How about I massage you while you sit in a chair that is on fire?" No, I'll pass. But there are some propositions that pique your interest, even if it's not something you really want to do. Like being asked to be a part of a threesome.

That's because the very question plays with our ego and makes us feel wanted, desired, sexy, and all the other good things that come with some sexual propositions. But what happens when you aren't into really having a threesome, and you are really just super flattered you were asked? You can't offend with your response ... you know, just in case you change your mind at some point. Or maybe you're friends with the people or person who asked. Fret not, sexy one. Here's how to politely turn down a menage a trois.


Smile. The best first response should be a smile. Always. Even if someone is asking you to do the unthinkable. You know the expression kill them with kindness? Well, a smile is the safest answer. You can't offend with a smile, it's like you are mulling it over, while also showing that you are flattered you were even asked. Because think about the balls it took for someone to even ask you (or anyone) to have a threesome to begin with. This person could have agonized for hours, days, weeks, over how to ask. And they chose you. You should be flattered. It's not every day people get asked to get naked and join them in a sexual escapade with two other people that you probably will never forget for the rest of your life.

Show excitement. After the smile, merge into excitement saying something like, Wow, that sounds incredible! and then smile a naughty type of smile. The person flattered you by asking, so now you return the favor by flattering the asker by hinting that you think the experience would be incredible.

Deliver the excuse. There has to be a reason for not wanting to have a threesome, and you should reveal it but candy-coated as not to offend. For example, you cannot say, "You are ugly and I'd never want my vagina near yours" if a girl was asking. If it's a guy, you shouldn't say, "Your penis has as good of a chance as Charlie Sheen in getting in my pants." That is, if you wouldn't have sex with Charlie Sheen. He was hot back in the day. May know some killer sex moves from porning around. So instead of that, say something like, "I can't believe you asked me! I'm so flattered! But I'm just too prude for that." You can say this even if you've lost count of how many sexual partners you've had ... because we all know it's a hell of a lot easier to get naked for one person than it is for two.

Give more lip. Follow up your excuse with more shameless flattery. Ask questions -- act intrigued ... because you know you are. Suggest other third parties. You will probably go home and fantasize about what it would have been like if you said yes to the threesome. And those fantasies will be incredible, but you still never want them to come true.

How would you politely turn down a threesome?


Image via Christine Rondeau/Flickr

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