5 Anniversary Gifts No Wife Ever Wants

thumbtacksLet's just get this out there: anniversary presents are a bitch. Giving and receiving material items that are intended to show your love and appreciation just never seem to do the trick. They're either too over the top (what is he trying to prove?!), too little (what is he saying?!), or too annoying (seriously, this guy doesn't know me at all).

While I can't help the ladies out there -- buying presents for men is simply impossible -- I can help the dudes out there who are looking for some guidance. Because someone I know just received a pile of thumbtacks for her anniversary, here are 5 anniversary gifts no wife ever wants

  1. Something she said she needed that can be purchased at any of the following locations: CVS, Home Depot, Grocery Store. If your wife casually mentions she needs thumbtacks for a DIY project, it's really sweet if you pick some up for her. It's not, however, really sweet if you use them as her anniversary gift. Yes, it says you're listening, but it also says you're kind of dumb.
  2. Something that makes your life better, not necessarily hers: Tickets to your favorite sporting event, your favorite band, or your favorite show don't really convey any selflessness. Think of her, not you.
  3. Something that makes zero sense. Take a moment and consider if your wife actually wears jewelry before you buy her a new bracelet. Take pause to consider if she's ever sat down to watch a DVD, ever, before getting her a box-set.
  4. Something that you bought on sale just because it's on sale. Sure, that Keurig coffee machine is down $50, but does she need or want that? Yeah, that cashmere scarf and glove set is 60 percent off, but does she already have something like that? Just because it's on sale doesn't make it right.
  5. Something for the kids. Ouch, dude. Is that all you see her as? A mom? A goddamn sexless mom? Keep the kids out of your gift giving at all costs, my friends.

Feel free to use these tips for any and all gift giving occasions. 'Tis the season, after all.

What's the worst anniversary present you've ever received?


Photo via Public Domain Photos/Flickr

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