Landing a New Man Is No Excuse to Diss Your Friends


Don't leave your girls hanging
Fall means changing leaves. It means pulling out boots and sweaters. It means noshing on comfort foods like casseroles, stews, and loaves and with that, for people like me, unveiling a wardrobe of elastic-waist pants. It means that the sidewalks, the malls, the grocery stores, even the PTO meetings will be inadvertently transformed into unlikely meat markets as people look to find someone special to cuddle up with when the cold settles in.

Now, if you’re married, that’s not your concern—you stick to finding the cute boots and sweaters and baking the cozy foodstuffs. But for single folks in between a summer fling and a cool weather boo thang, it’s cuffing season. Prop those breasts up in a push-up demi, slide into your most form-fitting cowlneck, and let’s get down to business. 

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When you land your man—or your man of the moment, depending on how your romance shapes up—you still have an obligation to maintain your same-sex relationships. From what I can tell, it can be tempting to let a romance soak up all of your waking hours, considering Fall Guy can give you a level of (eh-hem) joy you just can’t get from sitting around shooting the breeze with the girls over cocktails and a half gallon of cookies ‘n’ cream.

But one of my greatest relational annoyances is when a woman can’t come up for air when she becomes part of a couple and essentially tells her pals and her families to kick rocks whenever a fresh courtship is occupying her time. In fact, I have a friend and two cousins who are notorious for doing just that. It goes: hang out, have fun, talk on the phone, play around, go shopping, come over just because, then insert a new man and you almost have to send a squad car over to her house to make sure she’s still in the land of the living. Sheesh.

So just in time for New Boo Season, I offer some mistakes to avoid before we get all cuddled and cuffed up this fall:

Don’t make a guy the center of your world. It’s one thing to invest in a promising romantic situation, but quite another to drop everything—hobbies, activities, commitments, and especially friends and family—to pour every waking moment of free time into it. (Even worse if you’re also spending absurd amounts of money and making other gigantic sacrifices to keep it going, like compromising your self-worth, but that’s a whole other blog post.) Some women are just so darn happy to get a man, they’ll do anything to keep him, but obsequiousness is not a good look on anyone. Don’t be a flunky. Maintain your own identity, interests, and independence.

Don’t assume your friends are jealous. There are unfortunate instances where women, for whatever reason, get a little insecure and that ol’ envy monster rears its ugly head, even among friends who have been hanging for a long, long time. It happens. Still, it’s not wise to go around accusing everyone who questions how much time you’re spending with your man and not with them of being a hater. May be the case, may not be. But that’s a heavy claim, and one that’s hard to prove, so it’s better not to make the allegation in the first place. At least not out loud.

Don’t bring your man every-damn-where.
Leave him at home sometimes. It’s nice for friends to get to know him, if indeed you plan on holding on to him beyond the spring thaw, but girl time should be preserved and respected as much as QT with your honey. It may have worked for Rachel, Monica, and Phoebe, but sitcom characters aside, it usually only annoys some people and alienates others when you try to have the best of both worlds and inject your man into every get-together. Above all else, don’t take your friends for granted. They were probably there through the era of the dude before this one and the one before that, and chances are, if they’re good ones, they’ll be there afterward.

Do you have a friend who just can’t seem to balance her time when she’s in love (or lust)?

 

Image via stephengardner/Flickr

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