Penis Size Map Shows How ‘Short’ the United States Falls

cucumberIf you've had a craving for rain forests, untapped deposits of raw minerals, and gigantic penises, now's the time to head to the Republic of Congo. A new study ranked the world's countries by average length of erect penises and found that the Congo is home to the most well-endowed individuals. At 7.1 inches, their enormous sex organs put them at the top, just above the male populations in Ecuador (7.0 inches), Ghana (6.8), Columbia (6.7), and Iceland (6.5).

Wondering where the good ol' US of A falls on the world's penis chart? Get out your magnifying glass ... you're gonna need it.


The average penis size of an American man is 5.1 inches, landing them the 25th percentile, behind the U.K. with 5.5 inches, Spain with 5.5, and Canada (Canada!) at 5.5, as well. If you're thinking this is probably the first time Canada's ever beaten us in anything other than curling, I would say that's likely a good guess.

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Poor Americans. So many huge SUVs, so many little penises.

If heading to the Congo really isn't your speed, you might want to consider a trip to Italy. They came in 6th out of 113 nationalities with an average length of 6.2 inches. Pasta, pizza, gelato, aqueducts, wine, art, romance, history, bucolic landscapes, ancient cities, and enormous baloney ponies? Italy really is a dream land.

The research was done by a professor at Ulster University and some are critiquing its validity, saying he got his "facts" from the Internet, but come on. It's a study on schlong sizes. Of course you use the web to glean data on this -- it's not like the professor took a ruler around the world and demanded men to whip out their peters.

But if that is what he did, I wonder if he needs a research assistant next year. I have all my shots!

Here's part of the list, just for reference:

Republic of Congo, 7.1

Ecuador, 7

Ghana, 6.8

Colombia, 6.7

Iceland, 6.5

Italy, 6.2

South Africa, 6

Sweden, 5.9

Greece, 5.8

Germany, 5.7

New Zealand, 5.5

UK, 5.5

Canada, 5.5

Spain, 5.5

France, 5.3

Australia, 5.2

Russia, 5.2

USA, 5.1

Ireland, 5

Romania, 5

China, 4.3

India, 4

Thailand, 4

South Korea, 3.8

North Korea, 3.8



Photo via ndrwfgg/Flickr

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