How to Get Down and Dirty When You Have Kids

It's every parent's worst (superficial) nightmare - some day, you fear, your kids will walk in on you while you're having sex.

Maybe they want a drink of water or a snack.

Maybe it's the toddler screaming or the high-schooler telling you he's going out for a while. Who knows how, but you know that one day, it could happen to you.

And that trauma lasts a LIFETIME for a kid. I know this to be true because *shudders* it happened to me when I was a small one.

Trust me, there's very little that's as bad as seeing your parents having sex. Makes me wish I could bleach my eyes or something.

Here are some tips for getting intimate WITHOUT scarring your kids for life.

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First and foremost, if you want to make sure no little ones are scampering around, lock your door before passion overtakes you. You don't have a lock? GET ONE. Get three! And use them!

Don't make the mistake of believing the kids are actually napping during naptime. Half the time my kids nap, they're throwing things quietly at each other waiting for the perfect opportunity to catch you off-guard (like when you're showering or having sex).

White noise is your best friend (even more than Facebook). After the kids are snug in their wee beds, make sure to LOCK YOUR DOORS and then turn on some white noise. A fan works, so does a white noise machine or an iPod playing something soothing and ambient. Sorry, no thrash metal. (It's not particularly sexy, anyway).

If you have a family bed or your kids sleep close enough to you that there's simply no way to have sex in your own bed without being heard, try other places in the house that have locking doors. The laundry room and the bathroom are both excellent places to have sex without being interrupted. Usually.

Send them off for a sleepover or take a staycation in a nearby hotel if that's what it takes to keep that sexy spark alive. If Grandma and Grandpa can watch the kids for a night, make sure to make the best of it!

Any other tips for making sure your kids don't walk in on you while you're getting busy?

 

Image via je@n/Flickr

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