Be honest with me: Have you tried online dating? I feel like it used to be one of those totally secret "OMG I CAN'T ADMIT TO THIS" things, and now everyone's meeting someone online. OK, maybe that's just what I'm telling myself. I have a tiny confession: I made my first online dating profile Sunday night. After a few glasses of wine, a friend and I thought it could be fun. So heck, I went for it.
It's ... interesting. And by interesting, I mean pretty entertaining. Mostly because in the last 52 hours or so that I've been a member of this one particular site, I've gotten more than 250 messages from men I don't know. All of them, hitting on me. I haven't been hit on by 250 men in my lifetime. Screw it, I haven't been hit on this aggressively EVER. Granted some of the suitors may be nice, normal men -- but most of them? Erm. Not so much.
I just can't keep this to myself. Are you ready for it? Check out 20 hilarious, real messages I've received online dating:
What you need to know: I mention these three things in my profile: 1. I love Billy Joel. 2. I could run for days. 3. In my spare time, I blog. Oh, and for the record -- all incorrect spellings and incorrect uses of punctuation are written as received.
1. "I hate clowns."
2. "I can't run more than three minutes without coming dangerously close to a heart attack. Would you save me?"
3. "I luv Billy Joel my favorite songs would have to be the following: in the middle of the night, moving out, and that one about the uptown chick."
4. "Hi nie photo!!"
5. "Let me get a name to put with that pretty face. Hopefully you're not just a pretty face."
6. "I'm Jewish, over 6 feet, and have all of my hair .. I can cook you at least 2 good meals that you would love (grandma's secret recipe though)."
7. "Waaasssssssup cutie?"
8. "Hi how's your summer going? What do you think about fishing?"
10. "Your hair is effin' adorable! When are you going to ask me out?!!??!!? Kthnx."
11. "Sweet lord. I had a rough Sunday and I am paying for it today. (Name of place) gets W.I.L.D."
12. "Are you into 'Cops'?"
13. "Nice bum where ya frum?"
14. "What's good momma?"
15. "Want to go with my to my bosses cocktail party tomorrow?"
16. "I don't bite, I promise -- unless you want me to."
17. "I can cook like 7 different things in the microwave. I think that's pretty impressive for a monkey."
18. "I'm sure a lot of creeps have messaged u here, so what's one more?"
19. "You are very pretty but I'm not usually into brunettes. Have u ever died your hair."
20. "Is part of the reason for being on here to get more material for your blog? Because I imagine there is not shortage."
I will never understand a man who thinks he can pick up a woman using horrible grammar and incorrect Billy Joel song names. Call me momma on first reference, you're donezo. Oh, and inviting me to your boss's house tomorrow? Yeah that's a big N-O. I'm good.
Have you ever tried online dating?
Image via naan/Flickr