Secret Celebrity Love Letters We’d Love to Read

kanye west kim kardashianAwww, remember love letters? Way back before texting and sexting and even email, people used to actually pour their hearts out on paper. Can you imagine? They actually wrote out entire sentences and paragraphs! And THEN sometimes these same people would fold those papers up and put them in envelopes and take them to someplace called "The Post Office."

Even rich and famous types wrote love letters (usually to other rich and famous types). And some of them were seriously swoon-worthy. Like the note Johnny Cash wrote to June Carter-Cash: "The ring of fire still burns around you and I, keeping our love hotter than a pepper sprout." (Well, maybe not the pepper sprout part.) Or what Ronald Reagan wrote to Nancy: "We are so much 'one' that you are as vital to me as my own heart -- with one exception; you could never be replaced with a transplant ... I live in a permanent Christmas because God gave me you." (Ronald Reagan wrote that?!?!?)

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Sadly, we may never know what kind of love letters today's celebs would send (no, Twitter doesn't count). Or will we? Perhaps they'd read a little something like this ...

Kanye West to Kim Kardashian:

Yo, you know I ain't playin' when I call you my perfect bitch. Cuz you too dope to be just a regular bitch, ya heard? I knew it the second I saw that ass, for real. I mean, it looks good in pictures but up close? Damn. You so fine I wanna make shoes witchu. I wanna go back to that laser hair removal place and get every hair on my body zapped off witchu.

Yo, one thing though ... no disrespect, but yo mama? That bitch crazy.

Kristen Stewart to Rupert Sanders:

So I know we both made a huge mistake (I'm not really your "worst" mistake, am I?! That's so harsh!), but I can't stop thinking about you. And it totally has nothing to do with the fact that Rob is, like, never ever gonna take me back. Seriously. I just keep thinking about all the good times, like when we did that awkward butt-grinding thing against the fence ... remember when you called me "rebellious" and "wild" and "untamed"? I'm still that girl, Robert Rupert, I swear I am. I miss you so much. Please come over, anytime (but text me first so I can take a shower before you get here, okay?).

Katie Holmes to Tom Cruise (pre-divorce):

My Lord and Master,

Please forgive me for going to the grocery store without alerting you first. It was wrong of me and I apologize. You are right: Of course it is your right to know my whereabouts at all times and my duty to keep you informed of said whereabouts at all times. It was only that Suri put up such a fuss about wanting strawberries and we agreed to always satisfy her every whim, didn't we? Please know that I am not making excuses for what I've done, I'm only trying to make you understand why I went against your wishes.

I will wait here patiently in the Bad Wife Room until you return.

Love, your Katie

Which celeb couple's love letters would you love to read?

 

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