7 Things to Say to Your Wife That Are Sure to Turn Her Off

no sex for husbandWhen it comes to getting it on, all the books point to guys racing from 0 to 60, while women need a lot more warming-up time. And while it may take a woman a little longer to completely get in the mood, there's one thing she can do rather quickly: get turned OFF.

Guys are the masters at saying just the wrong thing. It might be because we have thicker skin and generally joke a bit too harshly with our wives. Or maybe we're just missing that tiny chip in our brains that normally would say, "Dear God, just shut up! Do NOT say that to her!" Either way, we sometimes say the wrong thing at the wrong time.

Want to learn from our mistakes? Then read on for 7 things that will turn your wife off from having sex with you tonight.


1. I thought you were on a diet. No, no, no. Never, ever mention anything food-related. If she's on a diet and you catch her elbow deep in a can of Pillsbury frosting, just smile and ask her if she'd like a spoon.

2. I had this crazy dream about you and your sister getting it on. Some dreams are better kept to yourself.

3. I was having lunch with an old girlfriend of mine and ... It doesn't matter how you end that sentence. The words "I," "lunch," and "girlfriend" are a seriously bad combo sure to send you to the doghouse for a week.

4. Did you see that tight sweater Cindy was wearing today? Yes, your wife saw it. But she really doesn't need (or want) to know that you're completely fixated on her friend's chest.

5. After eating those triple chili and cheese dogs for lunch, I spent all afternoon in the crapper. Sometimes TMI is a mood killer.

6. I can't believe you bought another pair of shoes. Don't you have enough already? Never, ever talk about a woman's weight, age, or shoe collection. Period.

7. The guys and I thought we'd hit that new strip club in town right after work. Yeah, after you watch young women shake their ta-tas, there's a next-to-slim chance your wife will be as accommodating.

What does your husband say that completely turns you off?

Image via Scarleth White/Flickr

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