Divorce Is Not 'Easier' Than a Good Marriage

divorceThe other day a friend who shall remain nameless said the following: "I wish I could get divorced so I could get some time to myself." It isn't the first time I have heard something like that, but it's the first time I stopped and wondered: is it possible that some things really ARE easier after a divorce?

A few days later, an article from Huffington Post also caught my attention. The premise is basically that parenting after a divorce is easier because there is built-in down time and each parent has to pull their weight in a shared custody situation.

It's not just parenting, either. I have heard people envious of divorced people for other reasons, too.


People say they miss the excitement of dating or the freedom of not being tied to one person. They miss the ability to do something without asking permission or want to have their kids all to themselves.

Whatever the reason, the truth is there are many coupled women (and men) who envy divorced people. The grass is always greener, it seems.

Marriage is hard and there are many times it seems like just divorcing and being alone would be the easier option. But many who have been through divorce say otherwise.

Ending a marriage may be the right thing to do. It may even be the necessary thing to do. But for most people, it's hardly ever the "easy" thing to do. Divorce is almost always painful and hard. What might look "easy" and even "preferable" from the outside is almost never the whole story.

The writer at The Huffington Post is herself divorced and the fact is, if you are divorced, you likely think it's an easier state to be in because, duh, your marriage was bad. But a good marriage is always the goal. When it's good it's very good.

A good marriage means someone to put your head on every night and cry if you need to, someone to hold your hand when you are having a bad day, someone who brings you delicious cake on your birthday and takes you out to dinner. A good marriage is love and friendship and caring all rolled into one delicious person.

Sure, I -- like most parents of young children -- want more down time, but in a good marriage, that can always be arranged. The key here: in a good marriage. Ending a bad marriage is almost always better than staying in one. But saying you want to end a good marriage because getting alone time is hard is just nuts.

Don't throw the marriage under the bus because things are hard!  The grass may look greener, but it's not.

Do you think divorce would ever be "easier"?


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