Moms, I have a bone to pick with you. There's a pretty big double standard in relationships and it's about time somebody said something.
I'm referring to MILFs. You know, Mothers I'd Like to Friend. And by "friend," I mean "bang." And by "bang," I mean "have sex with."
Y'see, recently, I was going out to a nice romantic dinner with my wife. The babysitters were on their way, and I had just finished getting dressed. I even wore a shirt with buttons on it! My wife came out of the closet in this tight black dress. You know, the kind of outfit that makes us guys forget there are 26 letters in the alphabet, as we can barely string two of them together.
She looked great. She looked amazing. She looked hot. She looked like ... a MILF. And I told her so. Except she looked a little confused. Then I explained what a MILF was. She smiled and told me I looked nice too.
Nice. That's like telling a guy you've been dating that you just want to be "friends." And that's when it hit me. We dads are getting shafted! Where are our drooling fans? Where's our locker room label? Where's our MILF?
That's right. You heard me. I'm asking you women out there to start calling us FILFs! Although that doesn't really have a good ring to it, does it? How about instead of "Fathers," we go with "Dads." Okay. Right here. Right now. I'm challenging women everywhere to start a new movement. A movement dedicated to DILFs!
Let all those dreamy dads know that they're being checked out at the supermarket like a prime cut of beef. I think I can speak for the entire male population when I say that any of us would be honored to be called a DILF. Finally, a four-letter word we can be proud of.
What do you and your girlfriends call really hot guys?
Image via singleparentspecials/Flickr