70-Year-Old Virgin Needs to Get in Line for 'Handsome Millionaire'

There is nothing wrong with waiting patiently for the right man. And one woman has been waiting a loooong time. Seventy years! At least, this is what she tells the British paper The Sun. The woman, Pam Shaw, claims she is still a virgin at 70-years-old. However, this is gonna be her year! Says Pam:

Now's the time. I'm ready to take the plunge for the right bloke.

Pam, Pam. I know you're new at this and everything. But it's really the man who takes the plunge. That's okay, you'll get it.

Adds the elderly ingenue:

My standards are still very high, though. I'm hoping to bag a tall, dark and handsome millionaire.

Oh, Pam. Now we've got to have a serious chat, girl.


Look, honey. I've seen your photos. You've been a cabaret dancer your entire life, so you look amazing. There are many 40-year-olds who would kill to have your body. Not to mention there's a lot of guys who'd love to crack a nut like you. I mean, a virgin like you. But a "tall, dark and handsome millionaire"? Is his name Christian Grey, too, Pam? I'm beginning to get a sense of why you may have not gotten any action all of these years. Your standards are -- how do I put it? -- too damn high.

Besides, you don't need a millionaire in bed, Pam. You won't be sleeping with him at Barneys. As for handsome, it's all pretty much the same in the dark. Trust me on that one. Oh, but what's this? Uh-oh. Looks like Pam isn't just hoping for a roll in the hay. She also told the paper:

I feel I am ready to give marriage a go ... You are never too old for anything. Just look at Joan Collins.

But, Pammy, Joan Collins IS a millionaire. She didn't go looking for one. And, sweets, do you realize how many women want to marry a tall, dark, handsome millionaire? Do you realize you'll be competing with models and 22-year-olds? Who can get through to this woman?!

I'm thinking Pam needs to be on the next season of Tough Love. Smack some sense into this girl.

Would the 70-year-old virgin bag a millionaire?


Image via SeanMacEntee/Flickr

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