North Carolina’s Gay Marriage Ban Should Include These Marriages Too

marriageAs we all know by now, North Carolina voted to pass Amendment One, which bans marriage and domestic legal unions between members of the same sex. This was done, of course, to protect the sanctity of marriage. But let's face it. Divorce rates are pretty high -- as high as 50 percent in a lot of studies. And the vast majority of those people are not same sex partners since, you know, that's still illegal in most states. So I'm putting it out there and saying that the sanctity of marriage is under attack -- by heteros!

There are many factors that help contribute to the sky high divorce rate. Younger people tend to get divorced more often, so perhaps there should be a ban on anyone under 25 getting married. I've also read studies that people with high levels of "neuroticism" -- those who tend see the negative in everything -- also get divorced more often. No more marriage for you, neurotic types!

Here's 7 other types of marriages North Carolina should consider banning:


Carnivore/vegetarian marriages. He wants burgers, she wants brown rice and tofu. She says he's going to drop dead of a heart attack, he tells her she eats like a rabbit. Can they ever just have a peaceful meal?

Cat person/dog person marriages. He wants Rover on the bed. She wants him outside. He thinks Fluffy looks at him strangely. She agrees -- that's why she loves Fluffy. Rover and Fluffy routinely try to kill each other. It's chaos all around.

Millionaire/flat broke marriages. After all, money arguments are the number one cause of marital splits, not being of the same sex.

Slob/neat-nik marriages. While this makes for funny television, it makes for a miserable real life cohabitation. Remember how Kim Kardashian was a neat freak and Kris Humphries would scatter his clothes and sneakers everywhere? Think how long that lasted.

Classic style/Modern style marriages. There's nothing worse than when a couple moves in together and are decorating and he's all like, "We've got to have that black marble monolith tabletop," and she's all, "That is definitely NOT going to work with the 18th century mahogany dumbwaiter." These two will never get on the same page.

Daily Show/Fox News marriages. Woah. How the hell did these two ever hook up to begin with?

Celebrity marriages/Any marriage being filmed for reality TV. Enough said.

Can you think of any other types of marriages that should be banned?


Image via Fibonacci Blue/ Flickr

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