How to Have 'Obligatory Sex' in 10 Easy Steps

It's happened to us all.

You're just sitting there, doing something boring, wearing those ugly stained sweatpants with the threadbare ankles, debating eating the last cupcake or going to bed.


Your partner says those words. Those three words: "Wanna have sex?" And you know it's time. Time for the obligatory sex.

What is obligatory sex, you ask? C'mon. You already know. It's the kind of sex you're required to have because you're married or in a serious relationship and you've promised to be faithful 'til death do you part.

That's a hell of a long time, isn't it?

Read on to see if you're having obligatory sex like the rest of us. (Hint: If these steps leading to sex sound familiar, you probably are.)


Step 1: Frantically pore through your memory banks - DO YOU HAVE A GOOD EXCUSE? No? Onto Step 2.

Step 2: Try to recall the last time you did, in fact, have The Sex with your partner. If it's been over three weeks or you can't remember, proceed to Step 3.

Step 3: Give your partner a deep sigh - throw in an eye roll for effect, if you feel it might help your case. If he doesn't immediately back off, go onto Step 4. 

Step 4: Nod your head and sigh as you begin to walk to your bedroom.

Step 5: While walking through the house into the bedroom with your partner, try to conjure up every sexy image you can think of. Pretend your partner is Jude Law. Whatever you gotta do.

Step 6: If you're still not in the mood, think about Johnny Depp. Better? No? Damn. Onto Step 7.

Step 7: Turn off all lights in the bedroom, saying, "it's sexier this way," as you strip off your clothes. Saves a step later.

Step 8: Climb into bed.

Step 9: Begin having sex with your partner. Try not to look TOO bored. If you can't contain the boredom, try not to panic about whatever's going on on Facebook without you.

Step 10: Fake it or don't - really, up to you. We've all done it - there's no shame.

Do you routinely find yourself having obligatory sex, and do you go through these steps to get there?


Image via ToastyKen/Flickr

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