Kiss-and-Tell Sex Stories Are and Will Always Be Super Tacky

Karrine SteffansEvery time I skim over a headline about notorious hip-hop homewrecker Karrine Steffans, I think two things: 1) wow, she’s really managed to stretch that 15 minutes into an almost full-fledged career and 2) she must have one helluva publicist because that chick stays working. Irrelevant rappers and C-list celebs stuck on the fringes of fame really need to get with her people because she’s made a whole name for herself just being a former hip-hop video girl.

So in the grand tradition of stirring controversy to stay publicly relevant, Ms. Steffans recently took to Twitter to check some anonymous person, ostensibly her new husband. In the process, she reduced this mystery dude’s manhood to dust: "I’m tired of moaning when I can’t feel anything! I’m tired of having to think about someone else to get off. I’m tired of having to lock my phone when you’re around,” she ranted. Now she knows she’s wrong.


It’s not that I expect high ethical and moral standards from a woman who’s built an entire personal brand by being known as “Superhead.” For those who aren’t familiar with her preceding reputation, let’s just say that hers is probably the only instance of sucking being a good thing. Professionally, anyway. But there’s just something intrinsically tacky and sometimes physically dangerous to—as my great-auntie would say—“talk all under someone’s clothes,” especially out in public. Men invest a lot in their sexual prowess and their ability to put it down in the bedroom and if and when they ever fall short, it’s not something they generally want discussed among girlfriends, much less blasted across social media. So suffice it to say that broadcasting a guy’s inability to tickle his woman’s sexual fancy is not fair fodder for a Twitter conversation.

Neither is his substandard penis size or any of the other intimate details of a sexual encounter, disappointing as it might be. Especially, especially if that man is your husband. That not only defiles the sanctity of the most intimate part of your relationship, it disrespects him in the most personal and male-ego-destroying way.

I don’t know if those tweets were legit or not. A few days after they hit the fan, Steffans backpeddled with an explanation, something about them being purely for entertainment purposes, though she would neither confirm nor deny that they were personal potshots at her husband or any other dude in particular, for that matter. And if her man is cool with her firing off random messages that sound like they could be directed at him all in the name of sparking conversation, then he’s a frontrunner for induction into the secret society of male saints.

Whether the tweets were valid complaints or fictional melodrama, the implication is still that it’s acceptable to put a guy on sexual blast. Try it on the wrong one and somebody might get hurt. But at the base of it all, it just makes the woman doing all the talking look low-down superficial and petty. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories from girlfriends who expected a night of unbridled passion and instead got an evening of regrettable, forgettable sex. All previews and no main attraction. (I’ve never had that experience myself, thank goodness! Another reason why I believe being in love makes sex better.) It’s one thing to vent to your sister circle. Quite another to fire off 140-character quips that’ll live on the world wide web forevermore.

I guess it’s best for sexually frustrated ladies to steer clear of Facebook and Twitter, lest the temptation to blast their bitterness gets the best of them.

Is it ever OK to talk about a bad sexual experience in public—and name names?

Image via Matt Romack Photography/Flickr

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