Brilliant Flowchart Proves That We're Pretty Much All 'Sluts'

sign that says slutAs we know by now, Rush Limbaugh has a very twisted definition of the term "slut." It's strange, because the conservative chauvinist with a megaphone icon claimed (over and over again) that Sandra Fluke, a law student from Georgetown University must be having so much sex -- for money. If you listened to Rush, you would have thought Fluke went to Capitol Hill looking for a loan to support her sex addiction. (Even though what she really did was say was that birth control should be covered by employers because for some women, it's a medical need. But that's beside the point.) Limbaugh has since "apologized," but we still can't get his favorite misogynistic buzzword out of our brains. All we can talk about is "sluts!" pointed this out and then did the only thing you can do in a situation like this: Laugh. Oh, and they made snazzy flowchart called "Are You a Slut?"


Yes, it helps you determine whether you're a slut or not*! (*based on Rush Limbaugh and likeminded folks' definition of a slut)

So I took it for a test-drive to figure out if I am a slut ... Let's see here. Do I ever have sex for, like, non-procreative reasons? Why, yes, yes, I do! (In fact, I've never done it for procreative reasons, how about that?!) Okay, so then I have to say whether or not I take Viagra. That would be a "No" (an answer I can give and Rush Limbaugh cannot). Oh, and yes, I am a female. Oh crap, so those three little answers are enough to make me ... a total SLUT!

Actually, it's practically impossible to not be a slut, you see. According to the flowchart (and Rush Limbaugh and various conservatives), it seems the only way to NOT be a slut is if by having sex ONLY for procreative reasons, not using birth control for medical reasons, and thinking other women who do use birth control are sluts. ... Does an adult woman like that even exist here, today, in America in the year 2012?! I shudder at the thought.

Here's why ... We all have sex -- for fun, for "recreational purposes," to bond with our partner, to experience pleasure, to enjoy ourselves! We have sex for so many different reasons, most of which have nothing to do with reproduction. And I'm sure you'd agree: That's part of being a vital, normal, happy, healthy human being. At the same time, lots of us take advantage of our employers' health benefits and one day Medicare or Medicaid (even if we've voted for guys who have demonized those programs as evil "socialized medicine"). And 99 of American women have used birth control at some point. So, you know what, I just figured it out: Forget the flow chart. We're all sluts!! Guess we should just go ahead, bite the bullet, and rename the country The United Sluts of America! But hey, if that's the way it's gotta be (at least in Rush's brain), there's really no shame. No shame at all.

Be honest -- are you a slut?


Image via d.loop/Flickr

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