Grope Your Mate in Public in These Ridiculous ‘Touchable’ Shirts

touchableNot sure if you've heard, but it's Valentine's Day, and yay, aren't we all so excited about it. Woo. I suppose there are some people out there who love the holiday, who cherish the red and pink color scheme, and who will feed their lovah oysters and strawberries tonight on hearth's edge. And I'm sure they're the same kind of people who would wear these Touchable t-shirts.

They're called the coupling shirts, and they're like sweatshirts with slits in places where couples usually touch one another. So if you like grabbing the inside of your man's arm when you walk, there's a slit in his sweatshirt there where you can slide in your hand. Yaaaay.


These little unlined pockets that invite touch are supposed to bring you closer to your sweetie poo -- the more skin contact, the better, apparently.

I mean, fine, yeah, let's just all cut holes in our shirts so that people can grope us a little easier. Showing affection and being all lovey-dovey is wonderful, but I don't know if you need to walk down the street intertwined with your flavor of the month. The tripping hazards alone are dangerous, let alone the potential for calluses and wind-burn. Then there's the nausea you're spreading to fellow passersby who will surely gag at the sight of your Touchable t-shirt.

If there's anything more unflattering than a boxy gray sweatshirt, it's a boxy gray sweatshirt that encourages anyone to poke, grapple, and here's a word I hate, caress me through skin-baring pockets. Thankfully, I doubt these shirts are for real -- even the people modeling them can't keep a straight face.


Would you ever wear a t-shirt like this with your honey bunches of oats?


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