Democrats Have Better Sex Than Republicans -- Duh (VIDEO)

During an election year, there is one burning question all good Americans have on the tips of their tongues: Who do you think gets it on more? The Democrats or Republicans? What about orgasms? Who has more?

Wait, what's that I hear? You have NEVER wondered this. Well. There's a shock. Luckily, Match.com has taken the guesswork out of this vexing issue with their annual Single in America survey. This year, being an election one, they focused their questions on politics.

See for yourself:

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The poll, which was more scientific than it appears in the video, was pretty enlightening. Clearly, most people think Republicans are getting a lot more action (and better action) than their liberal counterparts.

The people were polled on four questions: Who has sex least often? Who has more orgasms? Is fidelity more important in a partner or president? And, finally, who went on the most dates in 2011?

In every category, people thought Republicans had it all over the Democrats. Personally, I think this is hogwash (besides, who edited this? Were all the answers included?). In all likelihood, both sides have equal parts good and equal parts bad sex. But let's be serious for a moment. If you HAD to choose one or the other, do you really think Republicans have more orgasms?

To have an orgasm, a person has to feel good about their body and relaxed enough to be able to get to that level. Is that kind of openness really the stuff of conservatives? I think not. Having not done a ton of sexual research myself (I married at 25 after all), I can still say that the people who have been the sexiest and made me the happiest were all liberal.

Contrary to popular myth, conservatives aren't hiding their sexy beneath their uptight exterior. Simply put: There is nothing there. Sexy, they are not. OK, so that's not true of EVERY conservative. But you can't tell me Tucker Carlson has better sex than Keith Olbermann. I simply can't believe that.

The study itself revealed that Conservative Republicans (40 percent) "are significantly more likely than other groups to be very satisfied with sex while they’re married. But they had the least amount of sexual activity in the last 12 months."

To each their own, right?

I have always suspected that someone like Dick Cheney has a little freaky flag somewhere beneath that cold and evil, Darth Vader-like exterior. To him I say: Let it fly, baby! We can tell you are kind of dirty! Really, though, my guess is that the Dems have better sex overall. It just has to be true.

Independents scarcely get a mention in the video. With good reason. If you can't make up your mind about an election, how are you going to be in bed? On the other hand, swinging both ways CAN be hot. So, who knows?

Obviously, though funny, this survey tells us nothing. I would be much more interested in one person having sex with 1,000 people, 500 of whom were Democrats and the other 500 of whom were Republicans. If he or she reported back, it might shed some light on this oh-so-very important issue.

Who do you think has better sex? Democrats or Republicans?

 

Image via MatchUSA/YouTube

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